#1 - is it just me or does everyone feel like burning their clothes when they get back from vacation? I took in about $50 worth of dry cleaning, we have about 5 giant loads of laundry and I have a pile of hand wash. I can't lose that grimy feeling you get after traipsing in and out of the UBahn day after day.

#2 - if you'd like to know how bad the dollar is against the Euro, I'll share what I just learned after checking my bank statement. 200 Euro costs $275.50 including all bank fees. We'd hope to go back in June to visit the Aunties. Not at those prices.

Garmisch-Partinkirchen Xmas

We're home. It's almost 3am local time and about lunchtime tomorrow on our time clocks. It was a long trip but all went about as well as could be expected.

We flew Munich-San Fransisco this trip which was quite different. A huge range of diverse peoples on this flight. It took about 30 minutes to distribute the special meals. There was one kid (actually there were more children on this flight than I've ever seen on a plane in my life) who was bouncing off the walls in the the most annoying manner possible but he settled during the middle of the flight and thank God he wasn't "seated" in front of me. Later at the baggage claim, I saw his family picking up their luggage with big "New Delhi Air" ties on them and I had to have some respect. That's a long-ass day for anyone much less a small child.

We had a long wait until our Portland connection but we relaxed in the bar. This flight was less than perfect. There was an earlier flight and I asked if we could get on it and turned out we couldn't but the guy asked to reprint our boarding passes and when we got ready to board I saw that we'd magically been reassigned from row 14 to row 25 (apparently the last row, 26 was already full.) This irked me way more than it should have. On this flight the bathrooms were broken and someone behind us got sick. I think it was the little girl because she sounded a bit weepy and as we were leaving the plane, the Dad held up the bag and said, "This has been an exciting flight." Also a woman had a panic attack or something and the flight crew paged for someone with medical training and she and her boyfriend sat in back trying to keep her calmed down. The guy next to me had the hiccups and told me he had them all day.

The cab ride home was also a bit crazy. Aren't there some very basic aptitudes a person must have in order to drive a cab? Say, a basic grasp of English and a basic grasp of the region in which he will be driving? GPS doesn't do jack squat if you have no clue and this man had less than no clue and for extra difficulty, talked on the phone half the time. If it were a sitcom, I would have ended up driving home.

But who cares? We're home and I have about 2 months worth of Prinzen Rolle. I'm going to take some herbal sedatives and see if I can get some sleep. More photos and stories to come.

Munich Mon 21:15PM

We rolled out of GAP this morning, very sad to say goodbye to everybody. What a great visit.

It's been snowing a bit and the ride out was beautiful. I skipped reading again so I could watch the scenery and listen to a bit of music. Every time I get us in the smoking car. I swear this time I looked and saw a no smoking sign but apparently I was high because there were smokers galore and we didn't want to deal with moving the luggage and finding a new place so we dealt.

Our hotel in Munich (located on the Internet with help from the Rough Guide checked out from the library, we highly recommend these travel guides)is near the Englischer Garten and an excellent location. It was a teeny bit further from the UBahn station than I would have liked. We had to drag our bags through the snow and gravel but it's a small place, old building. Super friendly, helpful people. It's also about 95 degrees in our room. Sheesh. Our rooms are exponentially hotter. Frankfurt was about how I'd (cheapskate with the heating bills) would heat my home. Nürnberg was how'd you'd heat if someone else was paying (cozy). This place is like we were missing our home in the Sudan. I attempted to turn off the radiator and cracked the window and we'll see what it's like when we return.

We arrived before Noon and headed straight from the Hauptbahnhof to our hotel. We dropped our junk and headed back to the Marienplatz to find food and do some shopping. Last time we were here we found this restaurant- Ayingers (Am 1 Platzl 1A next to the Hard Rock Cafe shop) - which we loved. We were hoping to eat there again and sure enough, Bob found it and we found a seat in the window like our first visit. We both ordered a tall beer and I got a salad with grilled turkey, sliced ham, Mozzarella balls, (Europeans must cry when they come to the US and see what passes for Mozzarella in our country) plus some fruit and potato salad and corn and kidney beans and a bunch of stuff all crammed in a small bowl and delicious. Bob had sausages (he regrets skipping the veal cutlet) and we had pretzels (big, yummy ones).

The Marienplatz was crowded but we hit the department stores looking for a long wool coat for Bob. We found lots but nothing brilliant until we went to a store called Romer - nice store. Perhaps equivalent to Nordstroms (?). A man came to help us and I said we only spoke a little German ("no problem") and I pointed to my coat and said that's what we wanted for Bob and he clarified whether we wanted long or short and then showed us a couple and the 2nd one was perfect. He gave us a little card and we went back downstairs to pay and then pick it up, all wrapped pretty in a nice carrying bag.

From there we went to Karstadt to get our candy fix. I don't worry about bringing so many gifts any more. I just buy what I know I love which is a big brick of Hanuta, a stack of Kinder Schokolade and two giant tubes of Prinzen Rolle (cookies). Plus we got some odds and ends and Gummi Products. This is the first round because it will all go into the luggage. Tomorrow at duty free we'll do round two and buy some cheap booze and add'l goodies we couldn't find at Karstadt hopefullz ROUND Mozart kugeln, the best candy known to man. Basically all we can carry.

That's the hard thing is all these things you can only find here and you want them all when you get home.

Our hotel is in a sort of faded hip district near the Universität. There are tons of bars and drink spots. We had a tough time finding a place for a meal. We were craving that last German meal, perhaps a dumpling soup that is traditional this time of year. We ended up at an Italian place which was fantastic and unbelievably cheap even with the bad dollar.

Then we wandered to this Internet cafe for a last drink. (Asbach for me, Campari and soda for Bob, wonder what we'll pick up at duty free).

Tomorrow the flight is at 3:40pm so we plan to rise early and get our crap together and dump our luggage at the Hauptbahnhof and then do a quick trip to the Haus du Kunst (spelling is approximate as I don't reallz know what it's called). But Flori recommended it and we've never been there. Then for the airport. I got Harry Potter #5 in paper while I was here. I've purchased all my HP books here so I have the British paper editions for mz collection. The book is almost 1000 pages long so I have mz work cut out for me tomorrow on the plane. We fly through SFO so we don't get home until after Midnight if everything goes smoothly and easily.

I'll get photos and more stories up by New Years. ... Stay Tuned. (note: for some reason when I click on any blogger button, nothing happens. I hope I can publish this.)

SUN 230PM Garmish-Partinkirchen

Here's the current weather report. We've lucked out with wonderful sunny days although the temperature climbed above freezing and while it was much nicer for going on walks, it made the snow a big slushy, melty mess.

We woke up to overcast skies and it's snowing now. Flori took Bob and the kids to go skiing but they got such a late start and the ski rental place was a zoo so Bob decided to come back and take a nap.

Tonight is our last night here. We'll pack up in the morning and head for Munich and run around Munich for some last minute shopping and go look at stuff if anything is open. (Most Museum type things are closed Monday.) Tuesday we head for the airport and the long trip home.

On Thursday Bob and I took a little afternoon trip to Murnau and walked around. We had intended to visit a museum there but we arrived at the train station in GAP just as the train was pulling out so we had to wait an hour for the next train. By the time we arrived in Murnau it was too late for the museum but we found a brewery with a big main room, dry and warm and a cafeteria style food spread so we had a big yummy beer and plate of hot food and relaxed. As we walked back to the train station to go home a man approached us and asked us for directions in German. I said sorry, we're just visiting (in English) and he sort-of laughed and shook his head. But I remembered we had this excellent map from the visitor's center and he was happy to take a look at it and visited a bit while he got his bearings. He said, alles klar and motored off.

Friday was similar to our adventure last year. We had to hustle the kids out the door for activities outside and then Lisa and I hurried to decorate the tree and get all the presents under and tidy the house. The kids returned to their Grandmother's and changed into church clothes and we all headed over to the church for the children's mass. This year all the kids were in the mass. Sophie and Lena do churchy stuff (possibly sing too, I was at the side and couldn't see them) and Annie and Luis sang in the children's choir. Very cute.

From church we went to Hotel Post for a drink. Bob and Lisa had something with a shot of espresso and a shot of rum which they thought was the best drink ever. This is an Italian thing and is called something like Espresso Caretto and is usually served with a shot of grappa. The kids all had hot chocolate and the woman who used to run the hotel with her husband back in the day came and sat at our table and played Xmas tunes on the accordion while the kids sang (after being nudged by their parents).

From there to the cemetery for the brass band and we put a candle on the family graves and thought about Hans. From there we went to Agi's and we were starving at this point and it was some of the best food: super delicious cheeses, a real sticky gorgonzola and a farmer's cheese and another creamy goat cheese. Wonderful chunky liverwurst and real Parma ham. Good chewy bread and a delicious Spanish red wine. Fantastic meal.

The kids were bouncing off the wall at this point so we went into the family room and they read and sang for us and finally the Kristkind showed up and rang the bell and the kids sprinted home (house next door) and we had about 30 minutes of chaos while they disassembled everything under the tree.

More cookies and sekt (sparkling wine) and I'm amazed I ever fell asleep after consuming all that. My sleeping has remained hit or miss. Sometimes I wake up for a long time and the last two nights I slept about 10 hours.

Christmas day was nice and quiet. We hiked up the mountain with the kids and the sleds. We were headed for what they refer to is a hut. I think of it more like a cabin with delicious hot beverages. It got very icy as we neared the top and Lisa started worrying about having enough time to prepare for the dinner party so we turned around and headed back before we got there. The kids and Flori zoomed down on the sleds and had a blast.

We had a wonderful dinner party with Agi and several of Lisa and Flori's friends. Katya (from Russia) and Paolo (from Argentina) and their two kids who speak German, Spanish and Russian if you can even imagine. They're only about 5 and 7. And another friend Alexandra (from Poland) and her son Alexander.

We had a big hunk of venison which they told me was hunted, not from a farm. We also had a giant knödel (dumpling) with savory gravy and red cabbage with chestnuts. Lisa made some mussel soup which turned out very rich and tasty. For dessert we had pumpkin, apple and pecan pie. As she served the dessert Lisa called for the attention of all the foreigners which for a second I thought was us, but it was to explain the desserts since these are not at all traditional for any of the other guests. Lisa said normally you might have cake or cookies. I was curious how everyone liked the pies and they all seemed to like everything, especially the pecan.

It was a pretty amazing group and we talked about a lot of things. (Everyone spoke English well). So many completely different backgrounds.

Today we all slept in. Today is also a holiday and Lisa and Bob went to church with the kids (Soph and Lena sang) and I stayed home to shower and get my bags organized and to catch up in my writing notebook.

If possible, I will write another note in Munich. Otherwise, see you when I get home.

GAP Weds 1:15PM

I had some time on the computer and when I got in here I didn't feel so much like writing so I went around and checked my gossip and regular sites and checked up on how the credit card bill is looking (not so bad). So, now I'll squeak out a quick note before lunch.

The night we arrived even the locals were going BRRRRR and commenting on the cold. Flori said it was -20 C which according to the handz conversion page I found is about -4 F. I was cold but not miserable and felt better to see the regulars were cold as well. Right now it is -10 C which is about 15 F.

The first night we were here, Lisa had a party with her English students and Bob and I joined them. We went to a nice, small restaurant where Lisa knows the owner-chef and we chatted with the various women and helped them practice their English. One woman had actuallz been to Vancouver and visited the Portland area frequently so we had some things to talk about.

Yesterday Bob went with Flori to Deggendorf to visit the campus and meet with the President of the school. They will return this evening.

Lisa and I spent a lot of time hanging around visiting and drinking tea. We went for a long walk in the morning and turned in some bottles and picked up some food items and then went to the vegetable market and picked up additional food items for the meal.

We had a pot of soup with the kids for lunch and then headed out doing the Mom with 4 kids things: drop off one kid and then take another to try on clothes for a xmas present, then pick up the first kid and drop of the second and then to a different store for another xmas present for a different kid and then back to pick up the second kid and then drop off the third kid -- we did this for at least 3 hours. By the end, everyone had choir practice and piano lessons and French dictation and xmas presents and a ride at the Kristkindlmarkt and then home for dinner.

This morning we went to Annie's class for her holiday party. It was an international theme and everyone brought foods to eat and there was a belly dancing show and then magic tricks. Quite fun.

Annie has just called me for lunch so off I go.

Garmisch-Partinkirchen 223PM Tues

We arrived at GAP yesterday at 414pm. Our train car was empty from Munich to GAP and the sun was low in the sky and a ton of fresh snow had fallen in the last 24 hours which made for an indescribable ride. Beautiful light, winter scene. I put down my book and watched the scenery with my chin on the floor.

We didn't see an Internet cafe in Nürnberg until the daz we left when we saw 3 in a row and had no time to check email or Dooce or update you on everything we've eaten and drank since mz last check in.

We arrived in Nürnberg on Saturday at Noon. The whole ride over we had sunny sky but as soon as we got off the train the sky spat hard pellets of snow for a few moments. Onlz a light dusting of snow here as well. We checked into the hotel (Ballardblog, Hotel Astoria gets two thumbs up, thanks) dropped our bags and headed out into it. First stop was the tourist information center for our tourist 2 day pass that would get us into all the museums for free and all public transportation free.

We had foolishlz thought we were more acclimated to the cold but found Nürnberg awfully chilly as we walked around. We had to find food and I spotted a Bratwurst Häus that Id read about in my supporting materials and we opened the door and it was like a barn packed to the rafters with people and strollers and so forth. Nürnberg has the most famous Christmas market and this was the last weekend so the town was packed.

We ended up finding a little cafe with a lunch buffet and had a beer and mz attitude brightened considerable. After lunch we hiked up to the castle with a cold wind whipping about. When we got to the ticket counter the man said, in a thick German accent, "The castle is finished. Come back tomorrow," and shooed us out the door. We (and 200 other visitors) wandered around the outer part and again, the sun was low in the sky and grey clouds sailed across a peach colored sky and we all elbowed each other for a place at the castle wall for a view of the city. Gorgeous.

We hiked down to the Modern Art Museum and it turned out being further than we thought and we got lost and turned around and I was getting tired of being cold and lost and was almost readz to give up when we found it. It is a giant modern building of glass and concrete hidden behind some old churches and stuff. We were practically alone in there and enjoyed the heat and exhibits and I used what is probably the most amazing bathroom I've ever been in. I wish I knew more about materials so I could explain it - jade colored tiles and a sort of slate with modern lighting. Very cool.

I don't have too much more time as we are taking the kids to piano lessons so I'll have to come back tomorrow afternoon.

We spent a lot of time in the Kristkindlmarkt mainly finding interesting things to try eating. I bought this one dessert that was called a Schneeballtraume and it looked like a donut the size of a grapefruit and had a lot of flavors which I guessed were fillings. We bought two and it turns out it's this giant hard cookie. Sort of like a fortune cookie except instead of being folded with a fortune inside, it's crumpled into a big ball and dipped in chocolate. Unfortunately, we didn't travel with a mallet and chisel and had to bite chunks off with our teeth while making lots of crumbs. Big disappointment.

The famous Nürnberg Lebekuchen, however, was not. I didn't know which was the primo stuff and there was a Lebkuchen stand on every corner so I went to the store highlighted on our tourist map and pointed to a few things and I tried one and it was one of the best cookies I've ever had. A sort of gingerbread with ground nuts and chocolate coating. I'm not sure if I'm going to share the rest of the bag or not. (I have lots of other things to share, I can hoard this for myself, right?)

We went to a Van Morrison tribute (Blues for Bethlehem) at a church that night and then the next morning up bright and early take the SBahn out to the - thez call it the something document center. It's where Hitler was building his showcase for the Nazi Partz and it's a detailed exhibit of the Nazi rise and fall. Very well put together, informative, tons of information. Very heavy day but worth it.

From there we went back to town and to the German National museum which was amazing and we saw the Drürer works. (Forgot to mention we went to Drürer house a day earlier).

More to tell but out of time for now.

FRIDAY FRANKFURT 740PM

Well, if yesterday was smooth, today was extra crunchy. We had a sleep set back being that we woke up at 230am wide awake and could not get back to sleep until what probably was about 6am. We were dead to the world until the phone rang at 945am when they called us from downstairs to find out if we planned to eat breakfast. (Included with our hotel.)

Yes, I said groggily as we threw on clothes and smoothed our hair down and then staggered downstairs where the breakfast lady gave us a disapproving glare and pointed at the hours for breakfast service. Even though I was still more asleep than awake and not remotely hungry I ate and we thanked everybody for letting us come down so late and then ran upstairs to start our day already totally behind.

We intended to go to Mainz to see hero of the last millenium Johannes Gutenberg museum. But there was some snafu with the SBahn. It was running late and this is the same one that goes to the airport and there were hysterical people with luggage stampeding about. (Aside: WTF is it with Frankfurt and school children? Do they ever have to go to school? There are giant roving packs of them, all ages, everywhere, esp. the train stations. The museums are largely empty except for Pam, Bob and dozens of loud, squirrely school children.)

After standing around the platform for about 20 minutes we decided to alter the plan and exit the station and visit the Goethe museum which ended up being harder to find than it should have been what with the Frankfurters apparent aversion to good signage. Come on, Goethe was a rock star in his day. Doesn't his museum deserve a bunch of big signs? I get the feeling that Frankfurt is totally incovenienced by its rich history. Old stuff seems begrudgingly preserved while all the modern commerce stuff is built up all around.

By the time we were done with Goethe it was too late to go to Mainz so armed with our super expensive deluxe public transportation day pass we headed back to the Dom/Römer main drag. Before we got there Bob saw some sign about Jazz and turns out the Kloister musuem was hosting a Jazz in Frankfurt exhibit which was very cool with tons of earphones stations and movie clips and photos. (And brochures for live jazz tonight ... I must be building a hell of a karmic bank right now.)

From there we visited the Struwelpeter Museum. Struwelpeter is a very famous character in German children's literature. The stories are sick and twisted and obviously made a distinct impact on many children, not just me. There were parodies and turns out Mark Twain lived in Germany for a year and did an English translation.
Struwelpeter was this kid who ignored his personal hygeine and birds came to live in his hair and his nails grew to long twisted prongs. In another story, a girl isn't supposed to play with matches and she does and lights on fire and burns to ashes and the cats cry over her remains. In another story, a kid isn't supposed to suck his thumb and he does and some guy with giant scissors comes and cuts his thumbs off. Neat for children, eh?

From there we went back across the Main to this Bible musuem that Bob read about that we thought would make a good story, and it was weird but not as weird as I expected. I'm not sure what their goal is as it seemed old Testament centric. You could sit in some tent and feel Sahara sand and try grinding wheat to see how hard that is. I've ground acorns, that doesn't impress me. There was also some boat supposedly a replica of a boat found in some ancient place and dating back to Jesus times. And there are Bibles and scrolls. One scroll was labeled "Esther Rolle" and I said to Bob, "wasn't she an actress?" There was a Gutenberg printing press which actually worked and made up for missing out on Mainz. There was a class of kids about 8 years old going completely apeshit so we got out of there pretty quick.

We found a great place for dinner. More apple wine and plates of wursts and stuff. Remember when I was a vegetarian? What happened? I think I'd eat yak if I was hungry enough and it looked good.

It's raining now. (Shouldn't it be snowing?) We're going back to the Christmas market to try some sweets. Bob had a pear covered in chocolate and shaped into a mouse the past two days. I wanted a chocolate pretzel but the stand didn't have any just now when I walked by. Also want to try one of the crazy hot drinks with wein and liquor and whipped cream. yum.

Oh, and remind me to tell more about the Communications museum later because it was super cool.

Tomorrow to Nurnberg.

THURS 7:15PM Frankfurt Germany

Welcome back to the land of the shitty shower and the kick ass breakfast.

I changed computer terminals and now I can at least see what I am doing. The keyboard is still all jumbled but that is just how it is going to be.

We got off the plane yesterdaz at 11am and did one of our smoothest transitions ever. We bought a public transit daz pass and the gals at the info booth were totallz useless. (I guess in Frankfurt information means a bored shoulder shrug followed by I do not know.)

We went back into the airport and this totallz German looking guy listens to our question (which I had attempted to pose in German)and tells us in what had to be a Texas influenced drawl "First you gotta git yer ticket. Then you gotta git to track one." We made our way to track one, transfered at the Hauptwache to U6 and exited the Liepsiger Strasse (spellings are approximate as I have no supporting materials and I repeat, I am butt tired). We easilz found our hotel.

Good, inexpensive accomodations can be found on the Internet. Our place is out of the city center, near the Universitat and reasonablz priced. Our room is tiny but nice and the people are all nice and the breakfast this morning was excellent. I had a big chewy roll with lunchmeat and lox and cream cheese and a bit of fruit. There was tons of other stuff. Ask Bob, he tried everzthing.

We did 6 museums todaz: Icons, World Culture, Communications, Architecture, Film AND Photographz.

Plus we had an excellent lunch and now I can tell you why my husband said "hot and kinky sex" to the the server in a German cafe. She was very nice and wanted to practice her English and asked us a few questions of things to say. As we were eating (veg quiche, corn goulash with noodles for Bob, roasted chicken and potatoes for me, cake for dessert and I tried the Apple wein: not bad) there was this cheesy pop music playing.

The song was some woman bleating about wanting to get freaky and the server calls across the cafe, "What does she mean 'freaky'?" So Bob finishes what he is chewing and says "Hot and kinky sex." He then takes another breath to explain further when she says, "I get it." Meanwhile, the cook is sticking his head out from the kitchen. It was probablz more hilarious if you were there.

Back to the sleeping thing. We found our hotel at about 1230pm and put our stuff down and then headed back out to the Hauptbahnhof to buy our train tickets for Nürnberg and Garmisch. Then we walked around a bit. We would have walked more except the temperature was 5 celsius which was about 20 degrees colder than what we left (I think, not good with the C to F translation) and even with layers it was a bit painful.

We found some dinner. I had a Glühwein, Bob had a Pils. The food was meat and potatoes. One kind of potato was like a power tater tot: bigger and harder and browner on the outside and more like mashed potato on the inside. I think it is a perfect food and ate every one and would have ordered a side order just of that if it was offered.

At this point we were losing it and we staggered back to our room at 5pm and I thought I might read for a few hours and go to bed at 8pm. My goal was 8pm. Well you can imagine how being horizontal and reading is going to keep me awake. I put my book aside for just a second to nap for a bit and fell into an unwakeable sleep and did not stir until 3am when I was wide awake.

It's been a great day. We headed back to the Christmas market for more food. (Excellent food on every corner.) Will check in again as we can.

In Frankfurt Post 1

The blogger page comes up in German. I wasn't expecting that.

Okay, this is not optimal as I can't see the left margin so I'm typing in the dark. Add to that that I'm dead tired and this is one of those funkz German keyboards and prepare yourself for craziness to come.

Part I: I Suck

I used to be most organized punctual person on the planet. What happened?

I wasn't readz when Priscilla picked us up, not even close. I was still packing my toiletries. My hair = rats nest with out buckets of products. And I didnt (the apostrophe thing is poorly located so Im not even going to trz any more) have time to do any of mz last minute things like grab phone numbers (If anyone sees the Neuners, tell them were arriving on the 4:14 train on Mondaz). (What kind of crayz people switched the kezboard around?) I also never found my mittens and it is prettz damn cold.

One problem causing the lateness was the decision to bring mz bday present: a mini ipod and I had to rip the music I wanted to put on it and organize the playlists and then since I was still totallz not ready Bob had to set it up and then I transfered enough music to get me started. Also since I had myself prettz worked up about the trip I decided to take a nice walk so I could relax and collect mz thoughts.

A major thing I never did was take care of a bunch of email issues like answer mail, thank BallardBlog for the care package for the trip (those snacks came in verz handy at 3am when I was wide awake and starving).

Also the PamNewsletter is done and you can find it here. Long storz short: I designed the page using CSS and I dont know what I am doing I just fiddle until it looks how I want and I look at it using Safari, the OS X Mac browser. When I tested it on other browsers, it looked like shit and I wanted to either (a) fix it, or (b) change it, or (c) write a warning apologz for those who are seeing it in its crappz form but I ran out of time and never even announced that it was up. So, if you are here visiting to see what happened and whether I shined you on this year: no I did not. I am just not organized. If you are not seeing this I will be sending out a notice when I get home.

It's that getting ready for a trip time when the cranky panic hasn't yet given way to the punchy "who cares? I'm blowing this town." Way too many last minute tidbits to take care of. Excessive adult beverage consumption is tempting but need to be responsible for a few more hours or risk arriving in another country with not enough underwear and too much sunscreen (not needed where we're going.)

I have a widget on my desktop with the local weather. It shows today plus a three day forecast with the temperature and a graphic. For example: a sun and cloud or clouds and rain. Today's graphic showed clouds and what looked like booger colored hailstones. What was that? I think it had to do with the wind but why green boogers?

Here's my other Creem letter to the editor which was printed in METAL Creem Close-Up January 1988 with Metallica (James and Kirk) on the cover.

The mail column in this spin-off was:

CHAINMAIL (CHAINMAIL is your forum ... if you have any opinions, observations, secret knowledge or simply a godlike insight into metal, we'd love to hear from you. So, to become a force to be reckoned with in metal circles everywhere, send your letters ... .

LEPPARD: ULTIMATE SELL-OUT OF ALL TIME EVER IN HISTORY ... OR NOT?

At the end of last year I wrote you a letter whining about the whereabouts of some mythical Def Leppard record. Now, finally, I have it after scratching on the door of my local record supermarket first thing on August 3, watching the brain-dead clerks trying to get the registers turned on.

Now that I have my record home, what is this? Where is that fabulous "raise your fist and beat the air" music that never left my aural cavities daily for almost three solid years? Listening to the pounding battle-cry of Pyromania (the album I want to be buried with) I ran laps, did volumes of calculus and fought with my stupid boyfriend. I was AWOL from a collegiate torture known as sorority rush in order to go to the fabulous Forum and sit in the nosebleed section with said boyfriend and three of his drug-snarfing pals and I was virtually drooling in euphoria. Now, five long years later, I break all speed records buying this album only to find my idols have mutated into some kind of Night Ranger.

It's like these guys skimmed the perfect (nauseating) elements of every bogus commercial rock outfit from Bryan Adams to boys-of-the-moment Bon Jovi, and made the quintessential commercial rock cupcake album. There's no punch, not stomp, no fun! And their formerly crappy lyrics have, amazingly, become worse! I am distraught. Well, I suppose the album will be huge; they probably could use the money. I hope they're happy now!
--

Yeah, I never liked the Hysteria album as much as Pyromania but it did spend a lot of time in the CD player back then. It didn't occur to me until re-reading this letter recently what an oddball biography I was offering what with the metal, calculus and sorority bits. Not what you'd expect from a headbanger, eh?

I needed to buy this fancy product for a gift. Normally I would get it at the spa but since I wasn't going to be at the spa before I gave the gift I decided to order it online. The reputable seller I would normally use was out so I randomly searched for the cheapest price and placed my order.

Yesterday I got one of those orange cards in the mail that says I have a package from Hong Kong that I need to sign for at the Post offce.

I had a box to mail anyway so I trucked down and showed my ID and got my package from Hong Kong. Get this: the shipping box had a lovely blue ribbon on it. Have you ever seen that?

Turns out it's the product. The online store said it was in CA. I was a little nervous that I bought a knock-off but I opened the box and if it's fake, it's a brilliant fake. It even has the insert about the product in about 10 different languages. So what's the gimmick why they can sell it cheaper from Hong Kong and does this violate any laws?

I wish I could blog while I was driving because I always think of all kinds of things to say then. But later, when I'm sitting here in front of the computer (I almost just typed "sitting here in front of the TV" I don't even know what I'm doing right now) I'm a big fat blank.

In case you didn't hear, Mötley Crüe is reuniting for a big tour. I already informed Bob, with a big HA HA HA, that he should find his earplugs as he would be attending this event. All the hippies and so forth that I've been a good sport over the years: it's time for payback.

But upon futher reflection, I realized I don't even want to see Mötley Crüe. Yeah, sure the Shout at the Devil show at the ECen at UCSB was wild and fun and LOUD but I never listened to their CDs much and I wouldn't even trudge to the arena last year to see Def Leppard or Van Halen, why would I go for Crüe? The only reason would be to watch Bob suffer through it and that doesn't seem like a good enough reason to go.

I have a number of blogs I read on a regular basis. I'm going to make a list hopefully before we go on vacation. But I know what's it's like to someone doesn't post for awhile -- but geez, even doing a half-assed job at blogging takes a lot of time. I've been trying to get the rest of this CREEM magazine stuff together forever but I'm working on the holiday newsletter and actually doing some creative writing so the blog suffers ... .

Today I'm going to tell you about pit juice as in underarm product. I have a particular product I use by Tom's of Maine and it's the only thing I will use. It's not the plain deodorant which clearly doesn't work and is not better than nothing. It's the anti-perspirant & deodorant. One time I needed a refill and Bob couldn't find it so he bought some regular brand in its "aloe vera" version since that sounded half natural and I swear after I used it I couldn't get my armpits wet in the shower. Sorry, but I don't think it's healthy to have completely dry armpits. (I know, isn't this a swell topic for blogging?)

Last time I needed my product I ordered it from Fred Meyer and for reasons I don't understand it took about 2 months for the order to come through and at the end I was rolling a dry cannister under my arms in pure desperation. This time I gave myself a good headstart and I brought in my bottle to the health products counter so we'd have all the correct product numbers and apparently that gal took my info and went on the neverending coffee break because a month later when I check on the progress of my order: no one knew nothing.

I started all over and then checked in a couple of weeks ago and we seemed to be on track so then I checked again last week and the lady said that there was a huge display and why didn't I just buy it from the huge display? Well, I checked the huge display and my stuff wasn't there and at this point the huge display wasn't even there anymore. "Sure it is," she says, "I'll show you." And we march over to the huge display: but it's not there any more. It's gone. Completely gone along with the gallons of mythical product that I want. She checks in the back and swears she will call me with the info on my product.

No call.

This morning I logged into Toms of Maine.com and ordered 3 bottles. It should be here by the end of the week. Eff Fred Meyer, Hazel Dell.

Yesterday I ran some errands including going to Home Despot to get some replacement lights for our front of the house motion detector which has been off forever. When Dad and Erin were here they looked at it and Dad bought some replacement bulbs but they didn't fit so I ran in to HD with the old bulb to see if I could find the right size.

In the parking lot a giant seagull stood on the hood of a white pickup truck and pecked at its reflection in the windshield. It was really creepy. For a second I wondered if it was the truck owner's pet. And if seagulls are that stupid, why we don't see them on car windshields all the time.

I found my replacement bulbs and they have self-check at HD now so I got out of there in record time. I decided to fix the bulbs the minute I got home otherwise they would sit on the counter forever. Dad showed me how to get the contraption open so that wasn't an ordeal but the minute I touched the bulb (which I was holding in a dishtowel) prongs to the thingey, the bulb would go on and immediately become molten freaking hot so I couldn't get it in there properly. The person who designed this thing should be flogged without mercy. I tried several things to turn the unit off and nothing worked. If you're wondering why I didn't just switch it off -- you'll have to ask Uncle Joey about that.

I called Dad for tips and we eventually figured the best plan was to shut off the breaker so off to the basement I went and after several switch-go back out and up the stairs and check: no-go back down and try another switch -- I turned off every switch and it WAS STILL ON. Then I had to find a flashlight so I could find my way back to the dark basement and turn everything back on. Long before this point I decided this was a large, time consuming pain in the ass for one little thing which I believe is a metaphor for our entire existence.

I checked the shop to see if there was an additional box in there and there was and I turned off everything in that one, replaced my light bulbs, reassembled everything and then turned everything back on. The light has been burning ever since. I don't know how to make it a motion detector again and frankly, I'm bored with the project. The goal was to have a light there and it's there: all the time.

Traffic Hell
Can I please complain about the traffic? I hate commuting anyway and two nights in a row there was an accident on I-5 NB. Last night it took 45 minutes and it was yoga night which means I didn't even leave downtown until 7:15. Tonight it took an hour.

Also, Mr. Angry Honking Truck Driver: Dude, there were at least 10 open car lengths behind me and only 2 in front of me so I don't know what you were thinking speeding up like I'm going to yield to you in front of me.

CREEM LETTER TO THE EDITOR #1

CREEM is the only magazine to ever print letters to the editor worth reading. They were hilarious and came in two categories. Irate letters from people who didn't get the magazine (more on this in a future post) and loopy letters from crazy people. I had two published.

The first one was published in the February '87 issue with David Byrne on the cover.

Mantle of Shame Descendeth Again!

What's the problem? One issue he is worthy of your most generous accolades, the next month, Alpo. I'm talking about a veritable icon of metal music and rock hero of our time, David Lee Roth. OK, so Christgau gave him a B+. Altman's impertinent commentary on the "Yankee Rose" video--wardrobe stolen from Stryper? Please! Gene Simmons might note the influence, but I say it's just coincidence. C'mon Billy, the guy has 400 pairs of tights. Quit nit-picking.

And what is Rick Johnson's problem? I'm all for employing the brain-damaged, but let them do something harmless--like host Wheel of Fortune. And the lousiest album he's heard in years? And he backs up this grandiose allegation by grumbling about lawn chairs and commemorative spoons. Just who pays this guy anyway? The album is great and the musicians are the best and Rick-John sucks! And not to change the subject, but what happened to Def Leppard? I don't want to be unsympathetic, but I think they've gotten enough mileage out of the ol' Rick Allen's arm excuse. They should call their next album Who? or, better yet, Who Cares? I'm sick of waiting for this mythical album. Entire civilizations have been known to rise, fall and disintegrate into dozens of solo projects in the time it's taken those bozos with their crummy record.
---

I wrote "veritable rock icon" -- can you believe it? I loathe the word "vertiable" - it stinks of "too lazy to find a good word."

They supplied the title. The letter is in response to Roth's Eat 'Em and Smile that I did buy but never listened to a whole lot. It wasn't such a great album. I was going to include a link to his official website but it's lame so don't bother. You can see I'm not so loyal to Dave anymore. But I was fanatical on everything Van Halen and DLR back in the day.

A lot of this letter is in-jokes that only a person who read and re-read the magazine (or edited it) would get. I'd explain them to you but I can't remember.

The Def Leppard thing has to do with the endless wait after Pyromania, which came out in 1983 and I kid you not, I probably heard that record 2000 times. I listened to it once a day for over a year. Hysteria came out in August of 1987 and promted another letter to CREEM which I will find and post later but now I'm hideously late and must get my overfed Thanksgiving ass on the move.

I jumped on the computer about an hour ago to write you all a nice story about my Thanksgiving but first I decided to take care of a gift I needed to order and the farking corksmucker paypal order system wouldn't work and kept telling me to try entering my information again. After the 4th time I felt like braining myself. I still feel like braining myself. Do computers really make our lives easier? By the way, I still haven't straightened out my automatic billpay with verizon -- another feature intended to make my life easier and it works if easier means spending 45 minutes on the computer trying to pay my bill, then calling to tell them I'm having a problem only to learn that if I have online billing, they can't help me on the phone so I log back in and the computer tells me if I'm having problem with my online billing to please call. You can see why I'm a little agitated.

Enough about that.

Thanksgiving turned out excellent. We had the family here and had numerous fantastic meals, including the traditional Turkey Day chow. We did some Black Friday shopping -- something I haven't done in 100 years and it wasn't as hideous as I'd imagined although we were already on our way back home by Noon. We had dinner and jazz at Salty's, we went to the Portland Art Museum and we saw Sideways. Excellent time.

CREEM MAGAZINE Part 1

I loved CREEM and subscribed up until the bitter end which I think was late '80. To give you an idea: I STILL have my back issues and I don't save things. The end was long and drawn out and bitter. A late issue here. A skipped issue there. An extended hiatus only to reappear, swearing stability and coaxing another check out of me for another year, (sucka!) before finally disappearing seemingly for good. Later I remember it being remade into something resembling Interview and a neon fuzzed-up photo of Billy Idol on the cover. I ran screaming from the newsstand but still felt the burning sense of rip off as the magazine owed me numerous issues.

I don't understand why the whole world didn't love this magazine. It was endlessly scathing and hilarious. They published two of my letters to the editor and between this fine publishing coup and the reviews (described below) I thought I was well on my way to fulfilling my dreams as a rock n'roll writer. I could have been Almost Famous.

I subscribed to CREEM Metal (remember this was the '80's, Poison was on top) which no doubt would have been Alterna-Creem in the 90's and CREEM Word Up today. Metal must have been a last ditch attempt to get a cash infusion because they folded shortly thereafter. Folded owing me many, many magazines which I mention again, even though of course I'm totally over it.

There were other signs that they were cutting corners. They started something called the Reader Review. They encouraged readers to send in reviews for possible publication and $25. They published 2 of mine which apparently I don't have in electronic format so I'll have to show them to you later. It goes without saying that they still owe me $50. I say cutting corners, they might have argued that this was the ultimate in reader interactivity -- but I don't think so.

More later. The family is here for Thanksgiving and we're off to do some museum-y type things.

Bob was due home late tonight so we made our own dinners. I thought I'd kick back with some leftovers and cheap wine and watch the Desperate Housewives I taped last night. Then I remembered that I promised myself I would get in gear for our lodging needs for the big Germany trip coming up.

O.MI.GOD.

You think filling out online forms is tough? Try it in German. I had my massive German Dictionary in my lap laboriously translating word by word until I remembered there are websites that translate paragraphs. Hallelujah! Except it comes out sounding like crazy people. I had one reservation service. The other ones I had to wing on my own. One hotel had a form but apparently I wasn't doing it right because I kept getting a page that I understood just enough of to get that I was doing it wrong. What knummer did they want? I used the info email with my crazy people translation from babelfish. We'll see how I do.

I considered clarifying that we're from a blue state but not sure how much they care. An Euro is an Euro.

Rocker

When I was in college I was a huge heavy metal freak. I use "heavy metal" here to refer to just about anything hard rock. Def Leppard is the band I was insane about. This was before I had ever been to the Strip or any of the Hollywood rock clubs. I guess I was in training and there was no less heavy metal place on the planet than UCSB.

I used to go to this record store in Goleta on Hollister and buy all kinds of crazy records I had read about. One time the guy at the store asked me if I was friends with the band ("Savage Thrust") and friends was a stretch but I did exchange a snail mail with someone in the band named Eddie who responded to my fan letter with a postcard of a butcher surounded by floating steaks and holding a huge string of sausages. It said "You Just Can't Beat My Meat." He signed it, "Kill the wusses."

I read CREEM and CREEM Metal and [holy crap! I just did an online search to see if there was anything about the magazine and guess what? They're back. Wow, here's a link to the best Replacements Interview ever.] This development has me totally off topic on this post. I'll save the CREEM stuff for another time.

Back to the heavy metal fixation. I used every excuse for dressing up to dress like a rocker chick. At UCSB. I hope you can grasp just how bizarre this was. When I was president of the sorority (you know, the heavy metal sorority - ha ha!) I made up a theme dinner -- instead of "everybody wear white" or "toga" I had a "ten year reunion" dinner and you were supposed to dress as what you thought you'd be in ten years. I dressed as a rocker chick. MJ and Rowland dressed up as dead people.

I know. I have about a million updates for you. I have photos, too. I just don't feel like sitting here for more than 10 minutes at the moment.

I had my big night out last night. We went to see Particle. I stayed up until 12:30am. I didn't get drunk or stay until the end, because I'm not that zany, but still, WAY past my bedtime and I stood at the front and shook my bootie with all the youngster hippies and loaded people and a wannabe Timberlake. It rocked.

I got to bed after 1am and then we were up and out the door before 9am to do our Thanksgiving food shopping. We went to Freddies, Costco AND Albertsons. (It wasn't the plan to go three places, it just worked out that way.) Then we went to a greasy spoon and got breakfast and I drank real coffee. I've come completely unhinged.

In the midst of all this I've done about 5 loads of laundry and yardwork and food preparation and cleanup and, um, watched 4 episodes of Buffy.

Oh, I'm also watching season 2 of 24 and Jack Bauer's daughter is a big fat idiot. Because, you know, if I was lost in the wilds and some strange forest dwelling man offered to let me stay in his cabin, I would surely emerge after my shower in a skimpy, tight white tank top with the world's sheerest excuse for a bra.

Cat Poop Update
They're just mocking me now. I think a few ringleaders have spread the word and now animals from all over are drawn to our yard. And to add insult to injury, I found a big pile of cat puke in the driveway.

Man, I didn't get to a lot of odds and ends I needed to get done today. I did get to the candle party.

My email comes to two main accounts and I have spam filters on both of them. One of the spam filters changes the subject line so that I can filter the messages directly to the trash. The other spam filter, at the address that gets more spam, changes the body of the message but that doesn't help me filter it when I get my mail. I figured out I could filter the spam using this other method that I don't completely understand and won't even try to explain but I have to go log into this webpage to see it. I haven't checked it for about 2 weeks and this morning I logged in and there were 82 spams. It took forever to figure out how to delete them, too. I wasn't about to do it message by message.

I know, a thrilling entry.

Maybe you'd be more interested to hear that the bean store has expanded into a bigger store that also serves food. We got up early Saturday, drove across town, and had breakfast before we stocked up on beans and grains. Bob got an omelette with pancakes *and* biscuits. It's a good place.

My mouse is possessed. It opens things that I don't want to open when I click once and it makes me click a whole bunch of times to bring things to the front or to open things I want to open. I'm not sure what this means but I'm going to drop kick it into the catbox if I can't get it to work properly.

Speaking of the catbox, the war is on with the cats. Yesterday I scooped another 5 pounds of cat shit out of the front -- where I'd sprinkled the pepper flakes. So I figured I was too timid and applied a super-duper layer of pepper flakes and this morning the whole area is scratched up again and filled up with cat shit. Not like one corner -- like the whole area. What is up with these stupid cats? My next humane approach is I'm going to turn it into mud. The spot is under the eaves and the only dry dirt around. Other ideas include ordering some of those prong things that you put in the dirt that they don't like stepping on. I bet these cats would just move them out of the way.

On Thursday Bob and I both had the day off and I said we should make sure to take time out to do something fun and not just get involved with our usual projects. We slept in and read our books and then we went to lunch and took Bob's car in for an oil change while we went to the Grocery Outlet (Bob calls it "weird foods"). I documented this all with my camera but I don't feel like frickin with Photoshop with my mouse on the fritz.

We went to Frenchman's Bar trail and walked to Vancouver Lake. The weather was perfect and the scenery gorgeous. The cows were getting fed and some of them were galloping from one field to where the feeding was going on. I've never seen a cow gallop before. Also a ton of birds, I think mostly Canadian geese, were hanging around one field making bird racket. We saw some people picking some sort of small red fruit in the park -- crab apples?

We did our grocery shopping and then I invented a great dinner. There was a recipe in the paper I wanted to try but I didn't have half the stuff and I had other stuff in the fridge I wanted to use. I sliced a half tube of polenta into 9x11 dish and spread it with ricotta cheese. Meanwhile, I sauteed an onion and garlic with a can of tomatoes and scraped that on top of the ricotta, added the rest of the polenta loaf and then covered it with fresh mozzarella and then a sprinkle of Parmesan and baked until bubbly. It came out excellent. The only similarities between this and the recipe from the paper are the 9x11 dish, the mozzarella, onion and tomatoes. Bob said it was one of the best dinners I ever made.

Fall Colors with Photoshop

I had a link to additional fall colors but I took those photos down. I'm not going to archive every photo. I can't think of a reason why I should.

Here is a really great map that shows election results by county -- shaded proportionally. Very interesting. Not all blue and red - a lot of blending going on.

Meanwhile, I picked up some documents across the river yesterday and decided to walk back since it was such a great day and damn! I didn't have my camera. At one of the lightrail stops there are a bunch of trees with bright orangey-pink leaves next to a bunch of trees with bright yellow leaves - beautiful contrast. Later, as I walked down the stairs by the eastbank esplanade downtown sparkled under the sun with a light haze. A kayaker in a beautiful wooden kayak passed underneath the esplanade headed into the main part of the river. Missed opportunities.

Last week I was reading some cultural stuff about the Karuk tribe and I commented to Bob how interesting it is that the culture was primitive but very complex. He said, "Yeah, didn't they take the acorn about as far as it could go?"

I fixed the stuff on Billy's page today. I had gotten duplicate photos in there somehow and it took forever to figure out the correct dates where I screwed up. I asked him if he could possibly wear red pants or shave his head on photo days to help make a more dramatic difference. You have to spot the changing foilage out his window or his moving furniture to note the changes. Bob saw what I was doing and said he had no idea I had such "conceptual" projects going on.

Other things I did today:

I got up early and went to Fred Meyer and bought a few more bags of bark dust. I have put tons of bark dust on my major backyard plant bed in the hopes of making my life easier come spring. For some reason the grass loves to grow in the plant beds but only weeds grow in the actual lawn area. Also some sort of "fairie" (Bob's word) weeds have taken over most of the rest of the backyard. I don't know. If I spent another half day per week on the yard I bet I could make it look a lot better ... there just seem to always be more interesting things to do.

In addition to yardwork I cleaned about 20 lbs of cat shit out of the front yard. Since the two cute cats across the street moved in the shit has multiplied dramatically. I sprinkled the area with a generous layer of pepper flakes which actually works although you have to re-apply often. Too bad cute little kitties. Shit elsewhere!

I also did a D- (D minus) job of cleaning out the shop. I broke down some boxes for recycling and re-stacked various boxes of crap so that we have lots of space for more junk. (Bring it on, Priscilla!) And I swept.

Then I watched the very last special feature on my last Angel disk (the best show ever!) which was the director's commentary on the season 4 finale. It was completely awesome. Good thing I only have one more season to re-watch and then I can get on with my life b/c my obsession with this show is unhealthy. I think season 5 will be out in February. You can bet I'll let you know when that happens.

This afternoon I went to the Clark College library and finished some research I'm working on and read a bunch of stuff. Now I'm roasting an "Amber Cup" squash and reheating leftover pizza for dinner. Yum.

Cold
There are only two seasons up here: hot and cold. The in-between parts are hardly worth mentioning except that they are generally less cold. Now that it's cold again there's a whole bunch of stuff I need to keep handy: umbrella, coat, lip stuff is critical. As soon as the air cooled my lips started chapping. I just bought a whole bunch of new lip supplies and Agatha Ruiz De La Prada is godhead. Also tissues, especially in the purse or on walks. I don't like a runny nose with no tissues. I also always have a hat on outside. Head warmth means more to me than how my hair looks. Finally, hand salve. My hands get so dry and my skin so rough -- I have some primo salve that Mom got me in Orleans and I slather that on before bed, put on some cotton gloves and voila! Soft hands in the morning. I take the gloves off in my sleep. In the morning I find them on the floor or under the pillow or kicked to the bottom of the bed. My sleeping self doesn't like them.

Wine Pairing
I thought I once wrote a post about pairing wine with cookie dough. You know when you're depressed and feeling sorry for yourself, you curl up in front of the TV with a bucket of cookie dough and a bottle of wine? I had suggested chocolate chip and Chardonney or snickerdoodles with a nice Merlot ... or something like that. I just tried the search thing that was added to my blog and it came up with nothing. I don't think it works.

The reason I bring this up is because there was a hilarious article by Frank Bruni, the NY Times restaurant critic, about going to Alaska and being game to try the local cuisine. It was published Nov 3, 04 and titled Chewing the Fat While Its Still Fresh. I'd give you a link but the NYT is notoriously stingy with its articles. I think you can get it free the first week if you register for their site, otherwise they'll probably ask you for $3 (as if). If you have a library card your library might have access.

While preparing for his Alaska feast Bruni realizes "the difficulty of matching wine to whale." He and his friend go to the local general store and ask "What goes best with sea mammal?" The cashier shrugs and suggests white wine. Then they ask about bear and he says: beer!

The highlight of the article is Bruni's heroic sampling of blubber: "I did as told: grabbed the hide and bit into the blubber. It tasted like a wedge of solid rubber that had spent several months marinating in rancid fish oil." His host takes away his wine and says, "You'll be needing Jack Daniels."

I paid $6.50 so I could see the trailer for Revenge of the Sith. It was TOTALLY WORTH IT.

While I was at the theater, I watched the movie: The Incredibles. It's very good. I liked it way more than I expected to. It's hilarious. Sorry I can't write a better review at the moment but I don't want to sit here any more.

Tonight I got home late and as I was pulling the garbage can into the garage, I vaguely heard a pitiful mewl but I didn't pay too much attention to it until the garage door was closing and I could still hear it. I realized I should make sure that some poor kitty wasn't hurt or something so I turned on the porchlight and opened the front door and sure enough a cute little grey kitty ran up on the porch and began frantically brushing against me and reached for my front door. It had no collar and it's chilly and windy outside. What to do?

I knew my husband would flay me alive if he found a cat in the house so I told the kitty to go home (hopefully) and barely kept it out as I closed the door. If you're thinking me heartless, believe me: I felt HORRIBLE. About 15 minutes later I looked out the window and it was still sitting on the porch and it saw me and started meowing again. aiee. I don't want a pet and we have no pet supplies here and even if I brought it in the house temporarily ... where is it going to do its thing and how bad will my house smell?

Half hour later I check the porch again and the cat is still there! It spots me and meows again. This is terrible. I'm now majorly anxious about my cruelty to poor little friendly cats and imagining finding its poor frozen body in the gutter tomorrow and crying over it.

Finally, Bob came home and I ran out to see if the kitty was there and what do you know? It comes over from across the street. I start telling Bob about it with moist eyes and he reminds me that our new across the street neighbors warned us about this cat and how it would have no problem trying to sneak into a perfect strangers house. I avoided looking at the cat as I went back in the house, but he is right.

---

In other news, I have finally (now, at 11pm) gone though my voters pamphlet and made my best decisions, then did online research on the issues I wasn't sure about then read the endorsements in the Seattle Times, the Columbian and I tried the Olympian but WTF -- I couldn't figure out where it was so I read the endorsements in the Seattle Weekly. I am now ready for tomorrow. Wish them all (meaning the people I want to win) luck.

The Great Pumpkin
I never liked the Charlie Brown special about The Great Pumpkin. In fact, I'm not sure I ever really liked any of the Charlie Brown specials. I watched them. There was an endless futility to that world: the humiliation of the ugly Christmas tree, Charlie Brown falling on his ass every time because Lucy snatched the football back, the Great Pumpkin that never showed up. I'm sure that's not what I was supposed to get out of it, but that's the taste that remains all these 100 years later.

Meanwhile, the weather is fantastic here. We've had crap weather on Halloween every year since I've been here. Bob and I only bought a few bags of candy (only our favorites). I think we need to get more stuff.

When Things Don't Work As They Should Part II

This started out as a story about how a recipe I used didn't work. The Oregonian ran a recipe for "Perfect Apple Pie" which I had to try. I'd give you a link but I don't see it on the archive. You can check here if you want to look yourself.

The recipe calls for 9 cups of apples (about 9 apples) to be sliced and mixed with the sugar and spices up to 12 hours in advance so that they soften and relax and you cram more apple into the pie. The crust part is a vinegar crust that says it makes 3 crusts and you can freeze the rest.

I did the apple part yesterday morning and I didn't measure the apples, I sliced 9 apples, stirred them up and put them aside. Last night I made the crust and first I didn't have enough shortening so I made up the rest with butter. I guess given the measurements I should have figured out that 1 crust equals one top or one bottom but not both a top and a bottom. But it didn't seem logical to me to give a crust recipe for a two crust pie that made three crusts. The problem was apparent when I rolled out a fraction of my dough and had to work it into a paper thin sheet to make it fit in the pie pan.

I learned long ago not to let pie making frighten me so I made it work and then started to pile my vat of sliced apples into the pan. I guess I was supposed to use 9 Hobbit apples. My pie was loaded and I still had tons of apples left. I had figured out that the dough was screwed up and I didn't want to freeze one pie crust and I didn't have enough for two complete pies so I got an idea.

Erin told me a story about making a pie in a situation where not many pie making tools were available. ("So I figured a vodka bottle will work as a rolling pin ...".) She didn't have a pie pan so she used a corningware. I pulled out my smallest dish. Rolled more dough and dumped my remaining apples in there. Made tops for both my pies and voila! Pie and mini-pie.

Now the part that doesn't work is why my pictures always look so crappy on my website. I tried to use my new Photoshop skills and save for the web for faster downloading and use a trick to try to make my pies look magical: I don't think I succeeded:

When Things Don't Work As They Should, Part I
I unclogged my own sink this afternoon.

It's been draining more and more slowly for quite some time. I put one of those enzyme drain openers in a couple weeks ago and bought myself another week but it quickly went back to barely tolerable. I could have called a plumber except we've had a plumber in here in the last 6 months and I hate being helpless at seeminly routine house problems.

I looked online for methods of dealing with clogged drains. Half the sites make it sound like it's a psychosomatic situation. "Try flushing with hot water." If that was going to work, the drain wouldn't be clogged. The environmental people don't want you to use drain cleaners because they're hugely toxic and horrible. In my personal experience, there is no substance you can add to a clogged drain, toxic or not, that will do jack squat.

Regardless, I tried the non-toxic thing because that's what I had in the house: baking soda and boiling water. I dumped in the soda and poured the water and was encouraged to see the fizzing action. Then the drain stopped up completely.

I went and got the plunger which I found two weekends ago when I cleaned out the shed in the backyard (there's a story there too but don't know if I will get to it.) I applied "steady, rhythmic, and forceful downward and upward strokes" until it felt like homeowner porn and my entire upper body got a cramp.

Normally, at this point I would have quit in a furious huff. I was furious and called my sink all kinds of very vicious bad words which I'm sure made it feel very bad but didn't unclog it. I couldn't quit because we have company coming over tomorrow and I can't have a stopped up sink in my bathroom when company comes over. So I went to the next step and got a bucket and put it under the sink and futzed around with that trap or loop or whatever it's called. It wasn't pretty and I don't think I'll ever get the memory of that smell out of my head but I cleared my own effing drain.

LOST MEALS
Tuesday we had clients meet at the office at 9am so it was critical that I be on time. I left the house at 8:00 – an hour is certainly enough time to drive 11.5 miles except there was an accident on I-5 SB at the I-84 interchange and there was only one lane open so I didn't roll through the door until 9:05am. Tuesday is yoga day so I didn't get home until after 9pm. I ended up skipping breakfast because of the morning snafu and dinner because of class.

Wednesday I got an early start because I took my car in for service and then I skipped dinner again because I did a workshop in the evening. I didn't intend to skip dinner I just forgot to bring extra food with me and I didn't want to stop for food. It's a Pam thing – I don't like fast food and didn't want to deal with working out an alternative. Missing a meal didn't seem like a big tragedy and I found a few carrot sticks leftover from lunch to take the place of an actual meal. I didn't get home until almost 10pm last night.

Two long days in a row and lots of skipped meals. I can't believe I'm now the kind of person who can skip meals. There was a day when I couldn't go two hours without shoving food in my mouth. (Except for the time I was sleeping.)

This used to be an actual issue or could you call it a condition? with me and I used to attend a group with other people with eating issues. Lots of people have problems with eating in the middle of the night. This is one problem I have never had.

It would never occur to me, upon waking in the night, to go and find something to eat. I don't even like to eat very late. Back in my days as a hipster, late-night club crawler (okay, so I was never "hip"). I occasionally hung out with people who wanted to stop at Denny's or this other place downtown that I can't remember the same of: Gorky's? (I'm talking about Los Angeles). I never wanted to eat then.

In the morning I was fine with staggering over to Café 50's (Sherman Oaks) and getting the hangover plate of greasy potatoes, runny eggs and buttery toast. But eating right late at night. Not for me.

After skipping all these meals I've been waiting for the burst of hunger to make up for what I missed and it didn't hit until 11:30am. Now I'm starving for a big plate of everything.

Sometimes the Internet is so aggravating. I haven't read any Raymond Carver in a long time and I recently re-read Cathedral and was curious if there was any sort of discussion on it. I plug my query into my search engine. First I had to weed through a bazillion sites trying to sell me Carver books. Then I had to skip through the half bazillion sites of "free essays" which were not free and isn't it great that cheating is now easier than ever? (sarcasm) Who writes these "free essays" anyway? I grew tired of the search long before I found anything interesting.

You know, sometimes several days go by when I loathe even the sight of my computer. I don't want to sit here even long enough to read the latest email. It's been like that this week. Generally I end up blogging after having a couple of refreshing adult beverages and I haven't been into the adult beverages much since it's cold and beer is less interesting, (not out of the picture by any means, only less interesting) and the bottle of wine I bought this week was total swill and I had only about 1 glass and had a total "I need pizza" hangover the next morning. I'm guessing beverage influence explains why when I read my posts later to see how they sound there's always an incoherent aside or an egregious homonym error or an overall "how many points am I trying to make" loopiness. I am completely sober at this moment.

Here are a few notes about my week: (1) My latest disc of Angel was not premium. That show did lose it in the middle of season 4. Dragging talking head episodes with never-ending fights and Cordy turning into a bad guy. Snore. I still watched it all and the one stingy little extra so far which was a humdrum commentary by a director and producer guy. Meanwhile, Lost keeps getting better and I will admit to watching Desperate Housewives as my guilty pleasure. (2) Yesterday I finally vacuumed - yay. (3) Bob got me into Get Fuzzy. We got a book which I inhaled in about 3 days, even staying up late to read "just a few more pages." I love Bucky. (4) Last night I did a yoga workshop with Angela Farmer and Victor van Kooten which was fantastic. They are amazing teachers. (5) At the moment I'm reading a YA book by Peter Dickinson who is a fantastic writer. I read Eva several years and I still think about it. The one I'm reading now is The Ropemaker.

(6) I was in bed reading the book several hours ago when I noticed that the sun was out and it seemed foolish to sit indoors on my ass when this might be the sun's last appearance on a weekend day until some bone-chilling ugly day in December so I put on old jeans and ran outside and pulled up the last of the cosmos and dug up a few weeds. I lost my weed fork - they almost always turn up later but it's been several weeks so I can only assume that it went in the garden refuse. I wonder how many garden implements they get because I've lost a number that way. I bought a new, fancy weed fork and it's crap. It's somehow smaller and flimsier and total crap. Remember the olden days when things were more expensive but not so crappy? I also finally dug up two rose bushes. I've been threatening to do it for some time and gave them plenty warning but they did not improve. Their crime: being ugly. They grew giant long skinny branches and in the spring they'd bloom a teeny bit with wispy red flowers that drooped towards the dirt. Then they'd never bloom again, only shooting green scratchy branches. They're gone now. I need to plant some more stuff there right away or I never will and I'll be one of those people with scary yard with 1 or 2 plants and tons of bark dust. ooh: pretty. As I worked I could see black roiling clouds moving my way and heard a few choice cracks of thunder. I hurried. When I felt the first few drops I moved most of my stuff in but I still had a hoe in my hands to do "one more thing." Bob came out to ask me something and the sky broke open and we had to run for it. It went from 0 to 60 in about a half minute.

(7) I bought clothes at Ann Taylor Loft and I think I've finally evolved out of my: black-grey-black theme. I bought brown. I know, personal growth is exciting. I also bought something pink. Seriously. It's not barbie-pink, it's darker. I'm sure there's some fashion type name for it like: blush or conch, I couldn't tell you. But I will be wearing a pink sweater with weird tie-things on it. It's so not me. (I just looked to see if Crayola had a name for my pink and found this website with the history of crayon colors. The Internet has everything.)

(8) Wow, I thought I had nothing to say and look at all this yammering. We're off to see Hero.

A couple of weeks ago I read an article - I think I saw it in the NYT magazine but I'm not sure and way too lazy to look it up for you now. The point was division of labor among the sexes and about how historically and through most cultures the job divisions were more or less the same. The men went out hunting and the women stayed home and tended the fire. The explanation was that women need to keep the kids safe. If you're out hunting seal in your kayak, you can hardly have kids hanging around.

The article went on to talk about more contemporary issues, which I won't go into detail here except for one which caught my eye which was how men don't like to do housework because the women tend to criticize how they do it. Also that men sometimes do a poor job intentionally so that they can get out of doing it in the future. This intentional thing I totally buy into which was why when pretty much the 2nd time I've ever seen my husband pick up the vacuum and 5 seconds later a fuse blew and the vacuum was broken, I suspected foul play. I think it was subconscious foul play, but foul play nonetheless.

I took the vacuum in to get it fixed but warned him that he wasn't finished with vacuuming, but next time could look forward to more supervision. Meanwhile, my house has not been vacuumed in over two weeks and has been driving me nuts. He brought home our freshly fixed vacuum, UNDER WARRANTY! on Saturday because I strongly urged that he should do this and not because he thought of it himself.

Tonight as I was climbing out of the car after work he was bringing in the garbage cans and he had a sly look on his face. I said, "What's up?" and he said he had a surprise for me inside and he thought I would like it. I kid you not I jumped up and down and let out a girlish squeal and said, "Did you vacuum?"

"I haven't been home that long," he said (wearily). Instead he brought home tortilla crowns for our taco salad dinner which was indeed very exciting but nearly as exciting as having my house vacuumed by someone other than me.

I recently read the following quote attributed to Thomas Edison:

"Many of life's failures are experienced by people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up."

I was going to write this down on a little card and tape it above my desk except I can't help wondering: how did he know how close to success they were when they gave up?

Excellent lazy day.

This morning I did chores like grocery shopping and laundry and gardening. The rest of the day I played, including getting a massage (I still smell minty-gingery fresh) and saw TWO movies. I decided that this will be a movie binge weekend.

First I went and saw Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. I'm tempted to say, why isn't this movie huge -- except I probably know why. Sure it would appeal to me, because it has this retro, old-fashioned romance thing going along with this futuristic, sci-fi invasion thing. How many people would go for this cross-over?

The funny part was the trailers. You know how the trailers generally seem to be aimed at a target audience -- so if you're seeing an artsy-fartsy movie you see artsy-fartsy trailers and if you see some shoot-em-up action flick then the trailers are big action films?

Well for Sky Captain the trailers were for: the SpongeBob SquarePants movie, The Incredibles (both animated films), The Aviator which is the movie about Howard Hughes, and the Lemony Snicket movie, which looks like the first Tim Burton movie made without Tim Burton.

This evening I went to the Kiggins and saw The Bourne Supremacy which I HIGHLY recommend. But two comments. First, how did dreamy Karl Urban turn into the bad guy? Second, what is up with the seats at the Kiggins? They look padded. There is padding-like material on them -- but it was like sitting in a metal folding chair for 1 hour and 48 minutes. I could feel the outline of my scapula for about 1 hour and 31 minutes. Is this some sort of old lady thing? That I can feel my bones? Sometimes I can feel my sitbones, too. Or do I need to eat more?

Nevermind the Pollacks
Tonight Bob and I went to Powell's Hawthorne to see Neal Pollack.

Last year we got the Never Mind the Pollacks CD in our xmas loot from Steve and Denise. When we drove to Tacoma for Wintergrass Bob brought it and we threw it in the cd player and we laughed our asses off. I think it's safe to say that only a tiny portion of my readers (if any) would share our amusement. This isn't humor for the masses.

On CD Neal comes across cranky and bitter and not especially friendly. Bob and I had to meet at Powells b/c I was coming from downtown and Bob was coming from Vancouver. Bob said if there was a line at the bookstore, he'd wait and get us a seat. This is funny for two reasons because, (a) of course there was no line and (b) Bob never gets there before me.

We ate dinner at this fantastic hole in the wall French place that I don't remember the name of but we've eaten there before and it's out of this world. It's worth driving over there just for that. We didn't get to Powell's until 7:15pm (the reading started at 7:30pm) and there were about 20 chairs set up and about 15 people there.

We sat. Neal was already there. No entourage. Not even a special place to stand before the thing started. More people came and they set up more chairs. I'd like to give you a feel for what sort of audience Neal draws but there was no common denominator other than we were all human and knew where the bookstore was and had heard of Neal.

He's promoting the paperback of this rock and roll novel. The CD and rock band tie in (the Neal Pollack Invasion) were just a gimmick for the book and he didn't recommend following this strategy. He read from the book and then played from his CD and then read some other stuff. He writes for Vanity Fair. He was hilarious. Way funnier and cooler than you'd guess if you'd only heard the CD. Also since it was a small reading, you felt more like you were hanging out with the guy, rather than attending a function. I've had this experience with other writers at Hawthorne Powell's.

After the reading we bought the book and had him sign that and our CD. I told Neal that I had also written a rock and roll novel about 80's hair bands on the Sunset Strip and I think he was a tad impressed. He said he'd neglected that era in his book. Then he asked me if it was published and said: "No, it's in a box in the garage."

He inscribed my book: "For Pamela: This book is also in a box in the garage. Neal Pollack."

Songbook
I am reading Songbook by Nick Hornby. Anyone who has read or seen High Fidelity knows what a music fanatic Hornby is. If you look for the book, see if you can find the McSweeney's edition because it has a cd with some of the songs he talks about.

We've had the book awhile and at first it lived in Bob's stuff but he realized that I must read it and it traveled into my stuff where it's been sitting, waiting to be read, while I amused myself with screenwriting and not reading and that sort of thing. Now that I'm into it, I love this book. The essays are short and thoughtful and he's gotten me interested in songs again.

Once upon a time, I was a music freak. But not so much anymore. Music is something in the background while I do something else. My favorite music is usually fast and thumpy and loud, and as often as not, close to 20 years old. I had to drive Bob's car today (long story omitted) and I had the radio and didn't have my stations on the buttons so I stuck on the classic rock station and made a point to pay attention to the songs. Beatles. Rod Stewart. Springsteen. It was awesome. I'm going through the random sidebar cds that we have stacked around the house and loading them into iTunes (for example, Morcheeba) and finally listening. We have a lot of great stuff around here. And what a gift that Hornby's woken me up to it again.

He writes about my hero Paul Westerberg and a song from Suicaine Gratification (an excellent album, criminally overlooked by the world-at-large). He talks about solos and says this: "... his solo on "Born for Me" is just lovely--maybe because he's the singer-songwriter, and knows what the song should feel like to us. "Born for me" is a Waitsian lonely loser's lyric and an affectively heartsick tune; the solo is basically played with one finger ... . A better pianist would have wrecked the moment, filled in the gaps, failed to recognize how the tune has exerted a spell over the right listener ... I can never listen to the solo without thinking that it's played by a born musician a virtuoso, not even someone who could make a living as pianist in a cocktail lounge, just a man who thinks and feels and loves and speaks in music."

TV Shows
I don't think I told you that I'm renting ANGEL Season 4 on DVD which came out only a short time ago. When I finished Season 3 and then the show ended, I thought I was pretty much done with Angel. Turns out Season 4 was on at the same time as Alias so I missed most of it. When I saw the first disc it was my first time seeing all those episodes. It was like Christmas.

Meanwhile, you must watch Lost. Wednesday, 8pm. Rearrange your schedule if necessary.

Last Meal
On Sunday we were invited to Tom Brown's son's house for BBQ. The house is in a rural area not far from Washington State University, Vancouver.

It was a perfect day. Sunny and warm. The place was beautiful. We had a wonderful spot outside, surrounded by open green space with friendly dogs, big and little horses, cool cars and nice people. Oh, and a giant barbecue stuffed with a generous quantity and variety of meats. We could almost see Mt. St. Helens and I was still hoping we might see some action. The food was incredible. Probably my highest single-day meat consumption, ever. They brought out the brownies and I said, "I'll have more chicken."

I'm trying an online photo service. You can see photos of the BBQ here. I'm still learning how it works but so far I think it's pretty good.

In the NY Times they do these interviews where one of the questions is: "Last meal?" so I've been tossing this out asking people what they would choose for their last meal. Bob paled and asked me not to ask him questions like that anymore. WKB started making a list of every single food he likes (which doesn't answer the question) so he back-tracked and I think settled for some sort of massive Porterhouse steak and mashed potatoes. Erin said she'd pick Rouladen.

My last meal would be Mom's Thanksgiving. And it would have to have all the usual stuff. We always talk about trying new things but it's only one meal a year and I always want the same stuff: oven roasted turkey with sage stuffing, Dad's mashed potatoes with giblet gravy, cranberry sauce from the OceanSpray bag recipe, yam brown betty, broccoli, little plates with olives and celery stuffed with that yummy herbed cream cheese type stuff that I can't remember the name of right now, pecan AND pumpkin pie -- HOMEMADE for dessert. And those Betty Crocker ancient cookbook Parker House rolls. I LOVE those. I keep thinking if I love them so much I should just learn to make them myself but then I could have them anytime and it wouldn't be so special. And Mom uses the other half of the dough to make cinnamon rolls and that's post Thanksgiving breakfast -- which if Thanksgiving was my last meal, I wouldn't get to have.

I remember my first Thanksgiving away from home they had store bought pies. STORE BOUGHT PIES! Why would anyone buy a pie when they are so easy and yummy to make yourself? I would have made pies had anyone told me they were just buying them.

That would be my last meal. My second to last meal would be Tom Brown's BBQ.

Kelly's Mom Doesn't Want to Be Embarrassed
Kelly and family planned to visit Mom for her birthday. As they loaded the car they got a call that Mom had some sort of episode and was in the hospital. They briefly panicked and wondered if Kelly should fly down or what? They finished loading the car and drove all night to get to California.

When they arrived, Mom was fine. She was shopping at well known grocery chain when her vision blurred. She alerted a fellow Shopper of the problem and the shopper immediately prepared to call 911. "No," said Mom.

"No?" said Kelly. (As she listened to this story.) "No," Mom said, "It would be too embarrassing."

The Shopper got the Store Manager and explained the situation and he suggested calling 911. Mom said, "No." Mom asked Store Manager to phone a friend. He ended up calling several friends but that went nowhere so she convinced him to dig out her insurance card and make an appointment with her doctor.

[At this point I'm telling Kelly, jeez, what was this Store Manager thinking? Surely there would be legal ramifications if something bad happened. Kelly says, "You don't know my Mom."]

But before her appointment, Mom wanted to finish shopping. Recall her vision was blurred and she was basically blind for the moment. They put her in a drivable cart and she couldn't see squat to shop and proceeded to bump into displays and not find what she was looking for.

She wouldn't let anyone give her a ride. They had to get someone to drive her in her car to the Doctor and then get a ride back.

The doctor took one look at her and called 911 to get her admitted to the hospital. Mom was annoyed with the paramedics because, "They didn't know anything" and asked her the same questions. She exacted revenge by peeing in the ambulance. Fortunately, she wasn't embarrassed.

Kelly's Vacation from Hell Part II
Kelly and Dan enjoyed an excellent vacation except the part where their daughter was sick most of the time. Then it was time to go home. When they checked in at the airport they made the sorry discovery that Kelly's driver's license expired during the trip. Oregon is doing some new ID thing starting this month so in Kelly's mind she had until October. Needless to say the airport hadn't the slightest interest in Oregon's new program or the fact that Kelly hadn't substantially changed during the course of the trip other than brutally destroying her diaper bag.

Everything gets stamped: NO ID. Airline personnel offer to escort her through security. Her in-laws have dropped them off before parking. She asks, "Can I just say good-bye?"

The ever understanding Security Lady says, "I can take you now otherwise you can wait for my convenience." Kelly gets ready to go. Just then her Mother-in-law comes in and says, "Oh no, not again." Security Lady visibly flinches. Kelly gets extra special treatment one click this side of a strip search.

When she arrives back in Portland, the car has a flat tire. She needs a vacation from her vacation.

Stay tuned for the last chapter of Kelly's vacation.

Kelly's Vacation from Hell Part I
The horror began when Kelly, Dan and their two adorable children were rushing through airport security to catch a flight to AZ. Security performed its random explosives test on their diaper bag and next thing they knew, lights were flashing, alarms were blasting and the $9/hour, high school educated folks protecting our safety and welfare sprung into action. Kelly took credit for the bag, since someone needed to care for the kids. Security gave Dan the boarding passes and pulled Kelly aside and began pounding her with questions while answering none of hers. Does she work on a farm? Has she ever worked on a farm? Is she sure she's never worked on a farm? The investigation steamed ahead.

Meanwhile, the plane began boarding.

Dan returned to security to consult with Kelly about what to do. They asked if they were almost done. NO! They asked if the plane could be delayed. NO! They asked how long she would be delayed. Security wouldn't say.

They decided Dan would go ahead and take the flight and the children, sans diaper bag, and Kelly would try to get another flight later.

Then Kelly saw someone she knew working security. "I know him. Can he vouch for me?" NO! The man came over to check the problem. He searched the bag and confirmed, nothing bad in there. At some point around this time the inquest lightened. The security hard-ass had nothing. They delayed the plane. They completed their procedure and allowed Kelly and her diaper bag to board.

Upon arriving at their destination the family destroyed the bag without mercy and switched to paper grocery bags (which they highly recommend for carry-on). Moments later, their daughter colorfully notified them that she had the stomach flu.

Stay tuned for more adventures from Kelly's vacation.

CAR LOT FROM HELL
There is no limit to how naive we can be when we want to avoid a unpleasant experience, such as purchasing a vehicle. Bob has been doing homework to replace his 1990 Accord with 160K miles and permanent stale coffee smell for some time and this kicked up a notch last weekend when he saw an ad for Hertz used sales (where I purchased my Camry and we had a no hassle experience). He had his eye on a Mazda 6 but was disappointed with the test drive. When he went to the credit union to get financing the gal there mentioned the credit union's special auto sale this weekend with supposedly special pricing and pre-priced cars so you don't have get into that demoralizing haggling thing.

So this morning we were up bright and early and driving off at 9am to go to a car event and serious about coming home with a new car.

I kid you not: it was worse than a regular car lot. There were freshly showered, smiling dockers/oxford shirt guys, standing at the edge of the lot, ready to talk the minute you set foot on that gravel walkway. The ratio of sales people to shoppers was about 5 to 1. I wandered two cars away from Bob a couple of times and within moments faux-cheery salespeople were making a beeline to meet me. We could hardly browse and check out the inventory because every three steps there was someone bugging us. Our first guy, Yuri, was very nice and about as non-greasy as a car saleman could be. We later found out that he used to be a computer programmer and Bob said every other car saleman he meets was formerly in technology.

Yuri walked with us to the other side of the sale to look at some other cars and apparently crossed over the magic line into another dealer's territory. He was new, his company probably should have prepped him better but there was no excuse for this total THUG to dash over and kick him off with rude words and a hostile sneer, looking as though he could barely keep himself from punching the guy. Yeah: like I'm in the mood to buy a car from Vancouver Mazda now. At this point, (we'd been on the lot less than an hour) we'd already had enough and that little skirmish put a permanent bad taste in our mouths. We checked a couple more models and scooted out of there as fast as we could. (Also the no-haggle thing was partly a myth.)

We went to the new Costco to get a new DVD player (Angel-hooray!) and as we pulled into the parking lot we were still checking out cars: "Oh, there's a Honda ... that Subaru looks nice." And then as we were inside, we were about 6 feet from the Verizon booth and we both physically cringed and dodged the salesguys -- a knee jerk reaction from our experience at the car lot.

We maybe returning to Hertz.