FIFA World Cup Games 57 and 58
Yes and I'm back home and back on the couch. To be honest, I'm relieved there are only six more games.

I'll tell you about my trip eventually however, today we have other things to discuss. I managed to watch at least a half dozen games while I was on the road and I won't comment on all of them but I have a few things to say.

RE: Game 41 USA v. Ghana
I am SO disappointed in the way USA played in this World Cup. They had moments where they looked good but they just seemed to hold back all the time like they were getting ready to make a play instead of going and making the play.

They lost because they played badly but they also lost because of Dave O'Brien. Apparently I'm not the only person who thinks Dave O'Brien sucks. And the reason he made USA lose is because he's filled with negative energy. All he could say were negative things. His negativity infected all the people watching the game who in turn infected the air around them which radiated out into the Universe in one giant negativity wave which hit the players on the field in Germany and they played poorly and lost. He should be publicly flogged and driven to the border.

As I read the article, people complain that he doesn't seem to have a feel for soccer. I don't like him because he says stupid things. Continuously. During the entire game. At one point during a 1-1 game, I heard him say that one team was in real trouble. HUH? Isn't 1-1 essentially how the game started with both teams on an equal footing? I have never told my TV to "SHUT UP" as much as I have the last few weeks.

RE: either game 55 or 56 Australia v. Italy
Australia was ROBBED. They played a fantastic game and if they were going to get beat, it should have been on a fair goal, not a dive. I'm really mad at Italy right now.

Game 57 Germany v. Argentina
Bummer that these teams had to meet at this stage because Germany is one of my favorite teams but Argentina has been playing great in this tournament and I've loved watching them. I think some lesser teams are skating through while a really great team has to go home. Very exciting, fantastic game. I jumped up and down and did the soccer dance on the coffee table. Who thought Lehmann had it in him? Also, those South American men aren't afraid to show their feelings and it absolutely breaks my heart when they show the guys on the field crying.

Game 58 Ukraine v. Italy
Too bad I'm still mad at Italy because they played great and I would have liked to enjoy it more. Have I seen the Ukraine play before? Half the team look like refugees from a 70's heavy metal band. To me that's really good. Also don't you think Artem Ilevskiy looks like Jack Wild?



Two more games tomorrow. Then I have Sunday off and thank goodness because I have chores galore.

Also, if you're keeping track, I have a half year update on my reading for 2006.

Two Things That Happened Yesterday That Restore My Faith in Mankind

The airport is a microcosm of the world. All kinds of people of all ages and backgrounds. Behaviorwise, generally, thinking mainly of themselves and how to accomplish their own objectives.

Yesterday, in Detroit, I witnessed a young woman melt down when she couldn't get on her flight. The way they handle it at the podium at the gate is to immediately move the sobbing person to a seat. Apparently no crying at the podium.

This woman was not crying mad, she was crying upset, as if she was going to get into trouble. I'm not sure what the problem was but from what I could overhear, apparently the person who ticketed her made an error and there was no seat for her on the plane.

She kept saying it wasn't her fault and the airline person kept assuring her that yes, it wasn't her fault but HOWEVER, there was no seat for her on the plane because of this error and she would have to take another flight. She continued to cry quietly.

There was an adorable high school age girl at the gate who looked sort of like Sophie, if she had purple hair, who was also watching all this and she went over and gave her a hug and patted her arm and consoled her as best she could. It was so sweet. When do strangers act like that? I wanted to hug HER.

The second thing that happened was at the end of the flight. We were delayed on the ground out of Detroit so we were about a half hour late into Portland. You know how when this happens the flight crew sometimes asks you to stay in your seat so that people connecting can get off the plane first to get to their connection, but no one ever does? Well, on this flight people totally waited. They helped the connecting people, including adorable purple hair girl, with their carry-on luggage so they could hurry to get to their connection.

Hell, don't look for the hand-basket, the world may be okay after all.

FIFA World Cup Games 33, 34, 35 and 36
I'm going to do this now, before I've seen Germany play, because I have a boatload of chores to do tonight and this might be my only moment.

First, I have to go back to game 32, Spain v. Tunisia which I taped yesterday. I ended up getting home after 8pm but I started it up, figuring I could bail if the results were obvious. Tunisia scored in the 8th minute. And then Spain couldn't get one in.

I watched and watched. My eyelids drooped. I desperately wanted to go to bed. Finally, at the 68th minute I decided to check the score because I did not want to sit for another 20 minutes if this was how it ended. Spain scored for the first time in the 71st minute. If only I'd waited! If only I'd had more faith in my sweethearteam!

But then, I was tired and now I knew and could fast forward, watch the goals, snap off the TV and be done with it.

Since I planned to take a long lunch today and watch Sweden v. England (the only work I've missed for World Cup) I "watched" the Germany v. Poland game via MatchCast. I knew I'd hear the results during the later game. MatchCast available on the yahoo WC site which if you are sitting at a computer all day, is an excellent way to monitor a match. On a separate window I had Deadspin's Liveblog which I realize barely qualifies as not missing work.

Deadspin LiveBlogging tidbits:
32:49 Not much to say about Ecuador. So I will say that the main currency in Ecuador is the US Dollar. I never knew that.

32:00 Free kick opportunity from outside the 18 yard box for Matt Damon look alike captain Michael Ballack.

28:18 Again another mention and discussion about the USA game. I have a feeling this will be a common theme this whole match. Especially if this turns into a one sided game.

26:08 Costa Rica has scored and leads 1-0 over Poland. Poland was expected to finish second in the group behind Germany. So far they haven’t scored a goal yet. We know that feeling.

16:00 We are reminded again the situation for the USA game. We must pray basically.

13:52 Germany applying the pressure still. Ecuador has taken out some of their starters including top scorer Tenorio. Having a tough time stringing passes. It shows.

For the Sweden v. England game we headed back to Greek Cuisina. I saw the Czech Republic guy from last time and wanted to make a dig about his team's performance on Saturday but he must have sensed this because he wouldn't make eye contact. We thumped up the stairs where there was: no one. Not even a server. We made ourselves comfortable by turning on the TV and moving our chairs so that we were directly in front of the screen. Eventually someone showed up and fixed us up with food

I'm completely out of time here so my wrap up will be quick: Sweden kept it exciting. England acted like they barely cared. Was anyone defending England on the last goal?

If you've ever wondered what language everyone is using on the playing field: here's your answer. A quote here:
Any language at all, as long as they can get their point across. ... "Any kind of fellatio comment is inevitably understood," says Alexi Lalas, who was on the U.S. World Cup roster in 1994 and 1998.

This soccerblog is officially on hiatus until further notice. Enjoy the games.

FIFA World Cup Games 30, 31 and 32
I'm almost taking a day off from soccer today as the games are of relatively low interest and I have oodles of other things I need to do. I did tape the Spain-Tunisia game for tonight if I have time.

I'm at work now and will drag my soccer-spread bottom to yoga and then I'm going to Kathy's to borrow a dress and then I'll go home and watch part of the game or maybe just the highlights show.

I can't do it all.

If you have some time you should check out the referee index. I love it that so many of the refs have totally regular jobs like Kevin Stott (USA) is a teacher and Markus Merk (Germany) is a dentist.

I also discovered that Deadspin, which is a sportsblog which explains why I never paid much attention to it before, has all kinds of World Cup coverage including Live Blogging the games.

Yes, I was tempted to go back and read all the games I've seen. But I didn't, mainly because I have a lot of work I need to do. I'd provide some more specific links but I don't want to know the score of the Spain game.

Via Deadspin I also found The Third Leaf which has on-the-scene soccer fan coverage and photos - wish I was there. My favorite part is when they get to the park at 1pm and get their first beer and sausage.

Tomorrow starts the final games of group play which means the four teams in each group play simultaneously. I plan to see the Sweden v. England game for a long lunch which means I will have to find out the Germany v. Ecuador results before I get to see the game. boo-hoo.

Then sadly, our soccer coverage will be on hiatus while the soccer fan ventures to another time zone for a friend wedding and then a family social visit. I may have access to some of the games but I will probably not be online.

It looks like most of the teams that I would want to see in the Round of 16 are going to play Saturday or Sunday which is not going to be doable. (Technically it may be doable but we're paying all this money to go on this trip and there will be all kinds of people who I haven't seen in eons so I must set aside my soccer fever and participate in life.) I should be able to see all the Monday and Tuesday games. (I'm sure my hosts will be thrilled). I'll be home for the rest of the tournament.

FIFA World Cup Games 27, 28 and 29
Decided to sleep in for the first half of the first game and almost slept through the whole game but then I thought Spain (cutest team in the tournament this year) was playing and dragged myself out of bed.

It was Japan v. Croatia. The score was zero zero when I started and zero zero when I turned the TV off at the end of the game.

Australia played Brazil for the second game of the day. When the game started I thought the guy calling the game said that Australia was coming in with 14 yellow cards and I thought: how is that even possible? It was 4 yellow cards.

A good game. Australia played like champs and Brazil was a little less dazzling then I might have hoped. Can we get Dida, the Brazilian goalkeeper, a cuter pair of shorts? Those look like my jammies.

After already watching so many games this weekend I wasn't super enthusiastic for the France v. South Korea game. I've been wanting to see France and missed the game with Switzerland. I decided to watch the first half and saw France get its groove back (goal by Henry in the 34th minute) (pronounced "on-ree" not "hen-ree") and turned off the TV so I could get something accomplished which turned out to be a half hour nap.

This World Cup is destroying my productivity.

I just saw that the game ended in a tie so I fired up the DVR so I can watch the second half. My stats for the World Cup so far are that I've seen all or part of 26 of 29 games.

Today the announcer mentioned that Chelsea is coming to the US in August to play against an MLS All Star team. Where???

They also said that Beckham and Ronaldo might come play in the US in a couple of years. Isn't that sort of like Styx and REO Speedwagon playing at the Country Fair?

FIFA World Cup Games 24, 25 and 26
I gave myself a break and slept in and caught up with the Portugal v. Iran game in the second half. Iran is a great team and managed to keep Portugal scoreless until the 63rd minute. (Not a bad call to sleep in, either.) I still think Portugal is a bit of a whiny team. Ebrahim Mirzapour, Iran's goalkeeper did a great job.

The Czech Republic v. Ghana game took about 10 years off my life. I said I was looking forward to seeing Cz play some other team. Where were they? Was this even the same team who kicked USA butt? Does anyone else think Pavel Nedved looks like Dave Murray from Iron Maiden?


Ghana played a kick ass game. Completely exciting, at the edge of my seat. I can't wait to see how the last 2 games playout.

I've got a routine worked out now. Between the first and second games I do my yoga practice. The sun salutations and standing poses. And then when the 2nd game starts, I can work on seated postures while I watch. There aren't a lot of things you can do during a soccer game because you have to keep your eyes on the screen.

I'd also like to comment that the TV cameras seem to have no problem locating the young girls bouncing up and down and cheering for their team. Also, am I dreaming or is Taco Hell doing an ad campaign to help overfed America figure out what to have for its fourth meal?

Okay, now we're at the USA v. Italy game. To be honest, I didn't have a lot of confidence in the USA. Turns out the game was a clusterfork and a half. The officiating was off the rails. *I* was ready to give up when Eddie Pope was sent off. Luckily the USA wasn't so wimpy. Great effort on the USA's part. Keeping Italy to a tie. Sets up super dramatic final games for this group. I can't wait.

All this yelling and carrying on. Not only did I get my yoga but also a good cardio this morning. We're lucky World Cup is only every 4 years. I'm worried Bob is going to find me slumped over the remote with blood running out of my ears one of these days.

(BTW I did watch the Mexico v. Angola game last night and it was fantastic! Quite a nail biter.)

FIFA World Cup Games 19, 20, 21, 22 and 23
At lunch yesterday we went to Greek Cuisina to watch the first half of the Sweden v. Paraguay game. First we checked out the TV in the bar but it was playing baseball. One of the hostesses saw us and said to go upstairs, that everyone was watching the game up there.

Wow, I'm thinking. Finally a chance to watch the game in a group. So we get up there and there were only two men sitting there and I said, "This is it for the game?" Turns out they weren't there for the game either. They had a table set up for a group business lunch.

We sat at a TV in the corner and the server came over and turned up the sound and got us all set up and asked us if we'd been watching all the games. We went into the usual soccer chit chat and he told us: I'm from the Czech Republic. And he said it without even the tiniest hint of smugness. We, of course, complemented his team and talked more soccer and about then we had a kickoff so we placed our order and settled in for the first half.

Good lunch but no score. When I got home last night I started with England v. Trinidad and Tobago. I think TnT is my one of favorite teams ever. They kicked ass. Sure, they lost but it's their first world cup and they've given two top teams a real workover. If I could have one wish it would be that they score in the next game. Even if they lose I would love to see them score.

After the England game I finished the Sweden game. I already knew the results. What a heartbreaker for Paraguay. This is a team that played its guts out for two games but just couldn't make it happen.

This morning I was up at 6am for the Argentina v. Serbia game. Argentina is a fantastic team and they handed Serbia its ass on a platter. And then some. It was hard to watch. I got out my bills and wrote checks after the half and finally had to turn it off after the 4th goal.

I came back for Netherlands v. Ivory Coast. What an exciting game. Great playing on both sides.

I taped the Mexico v. Angola game in case I wanted to watch it later but I have been feeling a wee bit saturated. Not too saturated to watch 2 games in a row, but too saturated to watch 3 games in a row. Also I've been feeling like my pants are getting snug and I'm tired of chips and peanuts. And I'm spending too much time in front of the TV.

So what better thing to do after my postgames nap, than to hop in the car and zoom over to the theater so I could see The Lake House a romantic mystery fantasy with Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock. It was me and 30 other women my age or older in the theater and it was fantastic. It's a sort-of super condensed and simplified The Time Travelers Wife with not as much weeping. If you're the right demographic, I highly recommend it.

This afternoon I've been gardening and enjoying fresh air. Maybe I'll watch a bit of the Mexico game this evening.

Tomorrow's another big day.

FIFA World Cup Games 16, 17 and 18
I didn't see anything but highlights on the Saudi Arabia v. Tunisia game so no snappy commentary there.

Last night I rushed home for the Germany v. Poland game. It's funny how I'm so paranoid about hearing the score before I watch the game and NO ONE is talking about soccer around here. Only me and the person in the office next to me who has been warned that if he finds out the scores, he's not even allowed to look at me. Every time I even mention the World Cup people get a vague look in their eyes and talk about Stanley Cup or else say that they heard something about the USA not doing well. Watch the game people!

The Germany game was super fun with a thrilling surprise ending. What a nailbiter. Too bad the point isn't to hit the goalposts or crossbar. Germany would be galactic champions of that game.

But a 91st minute goal. What a heartbreaker for Poland. My adorable Poland goalkeeper Artur Boruc who made a bunch of amazing saves looked like someone stole his birthday.

After the game Bob showed me a new Red Hot Chili Peppers video, I think the song is called Dani. The video is fantastic. They imitate all these different classic video performances and when they cut to Nirvana Unplugged, Bob and I yelled louder than we did for Germany's goal.

This morning I watched the first half of the Costa Rica v. Ecuador game. Ecuador is a fun team. It will be interesting to see how Germany v. Ecuador goes since they're both going through.

FIFA World Cup Soccer Games 12, 13, 14 and 15

I've figured out that more than one game a day during the week is too much. And I've learned that my DVR is unraveling before my eyes. It records and plays some stuff but not the soccer games that I want to watch.

I skipped the morning game of Korea v. Togo so I could catch up on sleep. Well, I watched the last 5 minutes of the first half and it looked like a pretty good game. Korea made it to the semis last time so I'm keeping an eye on them.

As soon as I got home from work I fired up Brazil v. Croatia because I love Brazil and Croatia is a good team, too. The DVR died on minute 6. Fortunately, we had caveman VCR technology backup downstairs and after a brief intermission, I was back in action.

One thing that's bad about Croatia is that horrible red and white checked uniform. It's hard to believe anyone thinks that's a good idea. But they played a great game holding Brazil to only 1 goal and keeping the pressure on.

Brazil has a great and fantastic-to-look-at player named Kaka. But it's not like KA-KA. It's like: ka-KAW. There's a great article in Salon about how Brazilian Soccer Players Get Their Names.

Players with the same first name often change their moniker to differentiate themselves. In recent decades, there have been several Ronaldos at the national level. One became known as Ronaldao, meaning "big Ronaldo." Another became Ronaldinho, meaning "little Ronaldo." When another Ronaldinho came along in the late 1990s, he was called Ronaldinho Gaucho—that is, "little Ronaldo from Rio Grande do Sul." Eventually, the first Ronaldo left the Brazilian national squad, so Ronaldinho became Ronaldo. Ronaldinho Gaucho became Ronaldinho.

When I told Bob about this, he shook his head and said: "And you accuse me of having a lot of worthless knowledge."

[Aside: the event on the tape after my Brazil game was a domino tournament. I'm not kidding you. They had some guy and were referring to him as "the big man of the sport." I'm totally and completely serious. Someone called dominoes a sport and covered it on TV. Perhaps my dreams of winning a gold medal for dishwasher loading are not so far off.]

Because of the technology delays and frustrations I didn't even try the Switzerland v. France game. I'd like to see France play but sounds like it wasn't an exciting game so I'll catch them this weekend. I also deleted Korea v. Togo after watching part of the first half. The DVR ate my highlights show, too. Must call Comcast, now.

I was up early this morning so I could catch Spain v. Ukraine. I've been looking forward to seeing both these teams and it was a good first half. Maybe Spain can be the surprise team this Cup. It goes without saying that Spain is the cutest team I've seen so far. (Remember, however, the DVR ate my Italy game). I just checked for the final score and the article says: Ukraine's hopes collapsed in the 47th minute when Vladislav Vashchyuk was sent off for tugging Fernando Torres's shorts.

Well, I would have been sent off, too.

FIFA World Cup Soccer Games 9, 10 and 11 (almost)
Was ready for work and parked in front of the TV at 6am for the first half of the Australia v. Japan game. Who knew Australia even played soccer? Why play a sissy game like soccer when you can beat the crap out of each other on the rugby field?

Went to the office and had my most productive day ever as I didn't want to expose myself to anything that might spoil the USA game results. I stayed in my office, working even through lunch, talking to no one and no Internet or email. I'm sure my employer would be proud. ahem.

I left early and as I crossed the Morrison bridge I could see traffic backed up on I-5 for miles and I was thinking (like Darth Vader at the end of Revenge of the Sith) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Turns out the accident was about 100 yards from where I got on the freeway so after the initial awkwardness of merging both Morrison bridge onramps with one lane on I-5,(a shout out to the stupid car that didn't seem to understand it was supposed to let the tow truck pass: doh!) we were done with it and 15 minutes later I was sitting in front of the TV firing up my USA v Czech Republic game.

Fuk. I think I burst a blood vessel in my forehead from screaming. Cz was really good. After watching them for about 10 minutes I was thinking how much I'd enjoy watching them play someone else. The USA played WAY below expectations. I was completely depressed. But interesting tidbit: the Czech goalie is named Cech. Seriously.

Meanwhile, I'd heard about the thrilling ending to the Australia game so I fired that up and watched Japan get their hearts broken. Wish I could have seen that live because it was unbelievably exciting.

Finally, it's time for the Italy v. Ghana game. Italy is another one of my very favorite teams partly for their play and mainly because they are outstanding to look at down to the very last man. I don't think there is one ugly man in Italy playing soccer.

The DVR ate my game. This was quite distressing although not as much as you might guess because it was getting late and I was tired and had a headache from yelling at the American team. I did various trouble shooting and managed to get it started but it kept freezing and after about 20 minutes gave up the ghost.

Other shows work fine so I'm not sure what's going on but will have to deal with Comcast later today. Bob is video taping the Brazil game for me today as a backup because I MUST HAVE MY BRAZIL.

After all this it was still a little too early for bed and I was all wound up so I decided to start the season opener of The 4400, this sci-fi TV show I got into. WTF?! They turned this character into an old lady. WHY? And this other key charcter is played by a catastrophically bad actress.

Bummer all around.

FIFA World Cup Soccer Games 6, 7 and 8

My World Cup coverage is on the wane and tomorrow will probably dry up completely as all my time will be spent either watching soccer or at work. No time for noodling online. Well, maybe I can come up with a soccer haiku each evening.

Lots of great looking teams today from a wide variety of countries. Way to go guys.

Netherlands v. Serbia-Montenegro played first at the fun hour of 6am (local). I dozed lightly from my perch on the couch. Netherlands is another one of my favorite teams so I had to wake up quick. It didn't take long. Minute 18 the Orange Crush scored and eventually got the win. Extra points for having the cutest coach.

I meant to mention this Friday but the Polish coach looks pretty tight in his upper body. I have an easy exercise he could do to get those shoulders opened up.

Take a belt or strap and hold it in each hand, above your head, wider than shoulder width.



Start with your left hand and very gently pull to the side and slightly back while your right arm raises straight up. Take your time, work with your breath and try to get some movement in your shoulder blades.



Slowly go back to the starting position and repeat to the other side. The strap should stay taut through the exercise.



Someone has some photos of other good shoulder openers to try.

I don't know if I've seen Serbia-M play before but I felt bad for the unfortunately named Dejan Stankovic.

The next game was Mexico v. Iran. Mexico is one of my favorite teams, except when they play the US, and one of the great things about them is in addition to playing exciting football, they have fantastic hair. Remember Luis Hernandez? (Sorry this doesn't actually link to a picture. Lame. It took too long to find one.) Look at these guys. I think this is the first team I've seen that didn't have bald guys. Bald is in this tournament. And I'm not complaining, I like bald, too.

My favorite hair on this Mexico team: Torrado (midfield). Is he related to that girl from Dazed and Confused?


I don't think I've ever seen Iran play. I missed their win against the US in 98 and I know nothing about the team and I was surprised what a fun game it turned out to be. And I think Omar Bravo (Forward, Mexico) should change his name to O Bravo like it says on his shirt for all the time. What a great name. Instead of saying "Hey Omar" his friends would say "Hey O Bravo." It sounds so much better.

Finally we have the Portugal v. Angola game. Portugal is another one of my favorite teams and Angola is another team that I know nothing about. Portugal got the win but they weren't as exciting as I would have liked. I think Christiano Ronaldo needs to wipe that pout off his face. He looked like a spoiled child. I enjoyed watching Angola. I can't believe how fast some of these guys are.

Watching the games you see all these guys hit the ground after jumping, after colliding with other players, after taking a long run. When was the last time you fell down? Can you imagine doing it for 90 minutes?

The best player name of the day is Jamba (Defender, Angola).

And the most bizarre hair award goes to Loco (Defender, Angola). It was like an extreme bastardization of a reverse mullet (short in back, long in front). Like a bangs reverse mullet. Or maybe an extreme Corddry.


That's it for today's coverage. Enjoy the upcoming games.

FIFA World Cup Soccer Games 3, 4 and 5
First thoughts:
1 - Did Trinidad and Tobago kick ass or what !?
2 - Was I dreaming or did KIA have an ad that featured Balki and a mime!?

First off, it's rough to get up at 6am and go straight into soccer. It's hard to clap and jump around at that hour. I wrote a note that Paraguay had some bad luck and I already forgot why. Oh yeah, that own goal thing and having to take their keeper out minutes after starting. Poor guy.

I wanted England to be a lot better. I have high hopes for them this tournament. We'll see how things progress.

I don't like the commentator. Marcelo is okay. That other guy. You know: it's okay to stop talking sometimes. Especially when you're going to take every teeny stumble, and turn it into some sort of game turning event.

Also, why does ABC play a cheezy tone before it puts up a WC update on the bottom of the screen? We're watching the game. We're looking at the screen. We don't need a tone to tell us to look at the bottom. Especially if we were watching yesterday and already know. Also the whole sports stats thing makes me crazy. "This is the first time in World Cup history that a guy with a nose ring has gotten a foul in the first ten minutes while wearing red shoes." No one cares.

On to Sweden v. Trinidad and Tobago (TnT). Sweden is my sweetheart team. Wow, they are cute. They were much cuter in the special I saw, rating a high 11. On the field they were more like a 9, but still, excellent. It would have been nice if they could have gotten the ball in the goal.

I really wanted to see Sweden surprise everyone in this Cup and oops! TnT was hoping just not to humiliate themselves and they took it to 0-0 tie. People who think soccer is boring would probably not understand how a 0-0 game could be totally exciting and why one team would be celebrating like it was 1999 while the other team was crying in their beers. Fantastic game.

Meanwhile, my poor soccer widower husband was trying to get my attention. "Are you between games?" "Yes, but I need to watch the highlights and last nights highlight show." I ended up starting the Sweden v. TnT game 10 minutes late and my Dad called when it was over but I had 10 minutes to go. "Do you want me to tell you who wins?" "No!" I shrieked "I'll call you later" and I hung up the phone and ran back to the TV.

I thought I was still pumped up for one more game but actually I was running out of steam. It must be all the eating of dip type foods that can scooped onto a chip or piece of bread. I was fairly alert for the first half of the Argentina v. Ivory Coast game but I got tired of the elbows and the diving and the commentators on this one bugged me, too. Where were Adrian and Tommy? What is up with that Shep guy, bringing up what must be his only glory of playing with Pele? I wanted to brag to him that I sat on Santa's lap once.

I watched the last half hour in the horizontal position with my eyes closed, oops. I'm still building my endurance. I'll do better tomorrow.

Meanwhile, I'm trying to arrange my week next week to maximize my game watching. I still have to work so I'm going to have to limit it to two games although I think I can cram in one half in the morning before I leave for the office. When I watch the other games, I can forward to the highlights. Thank God for DVR. Also avoiding spoilers is going to be a problem. The USA plays Monday at 9am. No radio or Internet. I'll just race home and watch the game.

Turnips!
We interrupt our World Cup coverage to bring you this fantastic development: baby turnips!

I haven't been spending enough time in the garden lately between the Home Improvement and soccer and that job thing I have.

After my 6am to 2pm stint in front of the TV I decided the best thing for me would be to get my ass outside and work on the weed farm.

I remember planting a bunch of greens, a few turnips (from an untried type-previous attempts to grow turnips have resulted in wormy plooey) and some beets. I wondered why all my lettuce looked so ooky.

This afternoon I poked around out there and what do you know? Beautiful little white turnips. My favorite food. (Outside of the sugar, fat and alcohol groups). I'm so pleased.

FIFA World Cup Soccer Games 1 and 2
For the next month this is going to be soccerblog. Sorry to my regular readers who will be disappointed not to read about my garden, cooking, Home Improvement and other riveting posts.

Two games today. Only 62 more to go. I can't wait. Two excellent games.

Home team and one of my favorites, Germany played played the big opener against Costa Rica. I should tell you that I always like to see a good game. I rarely like to see any team get their asses kicked and I loved that Costa Rica scored twice against Germany. Sure, I'm worried about Germany's defense, but come on. Costa Rica declared a national holiday today. No one wanted to see them walk away empty handed. You could practically feel the ground move when they scored.

I expected to be less interested in the Poland v. Ecuador game and was dead wrong. Also, I didn't do my homework on Ecuador. I thought Poland was going to be the runner up team in Group A and I think Ecuador is going to do it. What a fun game. I can't wait to see them play Germany.

The coverage is good. I hate the score bar on ESPN2. It's too low. There's a hunk of screen between the bar and the top that we could use for watching play. I guess it makes it more of a widescreen thing but I'd like the extra space. Obviously I hate the lower screen scroll but I guess that's part of life these days.

Adidas is the sportswear king in this tournament and they have one cute commercial (at least so far.) Remember how Nike had all those great commercials? Like the Brazilian team in the airport with that bossa nova music? Adidas has just one? Maybe they're breaking out the big guns later. But love that Beckenbauer bit.

During the Germany game they made a comment how Americans will remember Frings (German midfielder) from some controversial play with the U.S. team. I don't remember that at all. What I remember is that when I worked at Jack in the Box we had this stupid item called Frings which was a combination of fries and onion rings. The paper liner that you used to hold the item was small and awkward and you could only fit in about 6 fries and 2 onion rings. And the item was expensive. The customers (often stoners) ALWAYS complained about the quantity of the Frings and when Jack took it off the menu they complained about that, too. Torsten Frings: we salute you.

My favorite commentators: Adrian Healey and Tommy Smyth called the Poland v. Ecuador game. I love them. Especially Smyth. Everytime I turn on a game and hear his voice, I smile. He claims that he's now a blogger. I'll have to look that up, although I think he said video blogger and I'm not keen on video on the computer because it takes forever.

The cutest goalkeeper of the day hands down was Artur Boruc of Poland.

And possibly my new favorite official is Toru Kamiikawa of Japan who was in charge of the Poland v. Ecuador game. He just seems like an upright, no nonsense kind of guy. My old favorite was Pierluigi Collina that Lurch looking guy from Italy who was so fantastic but had to retire.

Three games tomorrow. First one, England v. Paraguay at 6am. Must get to bed early.

A Lesson Learned
Last night at the market checkout stand, there was a man and his little daughter in the line next to us. The man was emptying the cart and teasing the daughter about paying for the groceries.

Man: I think you were supposed to pay.

Girl: No. You are.

Man: No, I'm pretty sure you were going to.

Girl: No. You.

They went back and forth. When it was their turn to check out, the little girl, with a slight shrillness in her voice says to the checker: We don't have any money!

Without missing a beat the checker says: Join the club.

***

Also, if you have time, you should read this story about Alex doing the rock climbing rental thing at the school picnic. It's very cute.

In Search of the Gullible
Last night someone knocked on the door about the time I was sitting down to dinner and my fresh disks of The 4400 (season 2) that I have to power through before the new season starts on Sunday. This on top of my very heavy soccer watching schedule that begins tomorrow for World Cup. (Bob was not home.)

It's my general policy to ignore it when someone knocks on the door because unless I'm expecting someone, it's NEVER anyone I want to talk to. Plus, I was half in my pajamas because I'd spilled something on my pants and shucked them off then and there and tossed them in the wash. But stupidly, I answered the door anyway.

It's a guy who based purely on appearance and demeanor, seems to be a regular type guy. There is a truck in the driveway with a guy sitting in the passenger seat, looking like he wants to go home so it at least seems that they're not going door-to-door.

Guy: You been having problems with your roof leaking?

Me: No.

[A number of years ago during a huge storm parts of our roof blew off. I was going to link to the story but apparently it's not here anymore. I'll put it back up later. The damaged part was replaced with different tiles so we have what Bob refers to as a "two toned roof." I knew this was what he saw but we've had no problems with the roof since then.]

Guy: I noticed you have the new tiles up. We're working on your neighbor's roof, Mr. [something]? Driving by. Thought we could help you out.

Me thinking: The old "we were just driving by" coupled with the old "we're working for your neighbor", who I've never heard of, ploys. I try to think if I've seen a new roof go up lately.

Me: We're not having any problems with the roof. There was a storm and part of it blew back.

Guy: How much they charge you for that?

Me thinking: I hate it when sales people ask how much I pay for something. There is no reason on the planet that you need to know that unless you're going to use it against me as part of your sales script.

Me: I don't know. (also true) Insurance took care of it.

Guy: (dubiously) You the property owner?

Me thinking: Yes Cletus, I am the fuking property owner.

Me (a few sparks flying out of my ears): Yes.

Guy: I could fix that for you make it look real nice. $8,000.

Me (sparks are now little flames): Why would I fix something that isn't broken?

Guy: I noticed on the other side that its aging. That's why it blew off.

Me thinking: OH! So now we've gone from "did you have a problem with a leak?" to "I know the entire story of your roof which I have observed from your front yard."

Me: (flames erupting from ears, nostrils and a general halo of flames around my head.) That's not why the roof blew off. Did you want to leave a card?

Guy: I gave the last one away. I'm licensed and bonded.

Me thinking: congrad-u-fuking-lations.

Sticking Together
While I was working on my Home Improvement Project I spent a lot of time in stores or store areas that I normally don't set foot in. I made it a point to pay attention to all the products available, in case there were other items, not related to My Project, that might come in useful around the house.

One of the things I picked up was some glue that's supposed to be strong and waterproof and impervious to weather, war, Jedi mind tricks or anything else you can think of. I had a bunch of things to glue but when I got home and read the directions it said things like dampen the surface or surfaces and then clamp after you applied the glue and that just sounded like too much trouble. Who has a clamp? Okay, Dad. But besides you?

A little tip on my fish mobile (it's in the photo on May 29) has been broken for ages and I decided that probably no one ever does the dampening part and the clamp was for overkill and I could glue the tip back quickly and never think of it again.

And I did that. A few hours later I returned to see how it looked and wouldn't you know the tip had fallen off and was now bonded for eternity to the table. Actually I was able to chip it off but there was no way it was ever going to be glued together now so I had to chuck it.

I have some things in the office that need to be glued and I optimistically brought my glue in today. Too bad I can't get the top off.

How to Stop Being A DoorMat
When I was a kid and first started reading the newspaper I read the comics and Dear Abby. I loved Dear Abby. She always had an answer that seemed kind and practical and in certain pitiful cases she'd end with: Write again, I care. She really cared. I always tried to think of advice I might need so I could write to her and maybe see my letter in the paper.

At some later point I also had access to Ann Landers which I also liked.

Eventually I got old enough to have my own opinions about how people should solve their problems and these two columns became a source of great irritation. Ninety percent of the letters were some version of, "I'm acting like a total doormat and everyone steps on me, what should I do?" and the response was always some version of: "Stop acting like a doormat and people won't step on you. Get help if needed." The rest of the letters were always some sort of warning about incredible danger from random items or places if you weren't careful: dental floss that could kill you, standing at the bus stop could prove deadly, etc.

I stopped reading this type of advice column for many, many years. Then, a few years ago, for reasons I can't make sense of, I started to glance at them now and then, perhaps with the slim hope that there might be some advice worth reading. This reminds me of my cousin Jennifer and the comic Family Circus. It used to be a big joke on Sunday morning to say to her, "Family Circus is funny today." She'd say, "Let me see," and grab the paper hopefully and then frown and say, "It is not. It's NEVER funny."

Several years ago there was a shake up in the Abby/Ann world. Ann died, taking her column with her (and aside, an advice columnist that I like Dan Savage bought her desk.) Meanwhile, Abby became ill with Alzheimer's and her daughter took over her column and she was beyond awful. I was happy when the Oregonian dropped the column even though I never read it.

The Oregonian brought in two new columns. "Tell Me About It" by Carolyn Hax is one of my favorites. It's targeted more for 20/30 somethings and relationships and no matter how convoluted and unsolvable a problem seems, she always has sane and useful advice that's usually based on honesty and communication. She's also not shy about telling an unreasonable person (say, a bridezilla) that's she's being a complete ass and to knock it off.

The other column is the whole reason for this post. It's called Ask Amy and She Is Dreadful.

Remember when you were a kid and there was a kid that wasn't really your friend, but you ended up playing with him (or her) now and then because of a birthday party or some sort of carpool to swimming lessons or something like that, and that kid had a prissy Mom? She would be a rigorous disciplinarian and say things like, "at our house we don't wipe our nose with our sleeve" or "in our family we say please and thank you" and her kids always seems a click off, like maybe paralyzing shyness or a subtle sadistic streak. And you never felt like this was a wise and authoritative grown-up you wanted to listen to, you felt like she didn't know what the hell she was doing and you wanted to make fun of her because she was such a priss. This is what I think about when I read Ask Amy.

I think of her sitting, at the right hand of James Dobson. A perfect example is the column this weekend where a person wrote in to say that her husband was trying to set up a business service and when the service person told him how long it would be, he exclaimed, "Jesus Christ!" The service person was completely offended and refused to do business with them. The person seeking advice thought the service person was acted inappropriately and asked for Amy's opinion.

Let's set aside the whole question of what kind of person writes to an advice columnist on a matter like this. Prissy Amy said that she wouldn't want to do business with a person who exclaimed "Jesus Christ" either because she wouldn't want a customer who was a hothead. Then she goes on to praise the free market, telling the person they can find another service person.

What a moronic response.

That service is running a business not a church picnic. People exclaim all kinds of things in frustration or exasperation. It doesn't make them hard to work with. The business person should be happy he didn't say "bite me f&*king c#@ksucker." And yes, the letter writer should seek another service person. That buckethead isn't worthy of your money.

The Last Alliance of Shelves and Men
The reason the whole Home Improvement Project began was because I wanted more shelves in my closet.

Yesterday was my day for buying my new shelving system and installing it and then putting away all my crap. In addition, I swear somewhere I saw something called "collectible shelves" which are narrow, bracketless shelves that I thought I could put above my window. I could use them for my various little stuffed animals and Star Wars watches and goofy little doodads that I have crammed on my bookshelves.

First I went to Lowes because its parking lot is much more friendly than Home Despot. This is my first time to Lowes and you know what? Other than the better parking lot, it's EXACTLY like The Despot except instead of orange, it's blue.

They had a mile long aisle for "home organization" needs and you know I went soft in the knees when I saw that sign. I think they had what I wanted except it was hard to be sure because it wasn't grouped together in handy "shelving kits for dummies" and I got all confused with the single track and the double track and which wall anchors and screws I should get (or even where they were since they didn't have them handily in the home organization area) and which brackets and how many shelves I should get and what about these shelf stabilizers? Also the bracketless shelves were either ginormous slabs like a park bench that you'd bolt to your wall OR ugly colors OR burdened with unnecessary ornamentation.

Since I'd taken the time and trouble to get my ass out there, I was determined not to leave empty handed but the longer I stood there, the more unsure I became until finally I got mad and pushed my empty cart out to the parking lot because there was no other obvious place to leave it.

I vaguely recalled seeing something useful at Fred Meyer so I drove all the way up to Salmon Creek because that's a better and bigger store. They at least had a handy sheet you could take with their shelving systems and it showed a handy picture and on the back told you what kinds of brackets and anchors and stabilizers to buy and those items were in the same area. BUT these were catastrophically ugly. Also, no bracketless shelves.

Then I thought it must have been Target where I was what I wanted so I headed over there. (Please stop for a moment to consider that I am going to my third store for one errand. This is something that I never, ever do except possibly if I'm looking for a perfect gift for a person of huge importance in my life.)

I didn't grab a cart at Target but headed off to the back 40 for a little looksee and again some flimsy sad looking stuff. All these stores are big on that white wire shelving stuff which I would LOVE if I was in college and only had $5 to organize my dorm room but at this point, not what I have in mind. They might have those collectible shelves but they didn't have them in stock at this store.

What they did have was this storage cubicle thing that I thought would be handy on the floor of the closet. I could put some crap in the cubicles and the sturdy surface of the cubicle would be good for the sewing machine and heavier things. So I had to hike back to the front of the store to get a cart because it was a tad too heavy to carry. Well, I could have done it if I balanced it on my head but I couldn't bear the thought of pimply-faced Target employees running over to "help" because I'm sure it's some sort of liability nightmare even though women in countries all over the world don't have giant red carts to carry their crap in and they just pile it on their heads and probably have much healthier necks so not to worry.

I wheeled my assembly-required cube to the register and was back home in no time Phillips screwdriver in hand.

I found a catalog for the container store and they have a shelving system that looks pretty good but costs about 200% more than what I saw at Lowe's. Plus I would have to drive to hellandgone.

In sum, I have no shelves, no solution, and I decided I don't like the cubicle thing so we might try it in Bob's closet.

Bob and Julian in Tent City
This is Bob and his German teacher, Julian, at Sasquatch last weekend. The weather was horrendous (by my standards, Bob said: you're glad you're not here) I said: sorry the weather is so bad. And Bob said: We're having a GREAT time.

Twelve Simple Questions to Reveal a Couple's Ideal Sleeping Position

Find your own pose!