The Day Murphy Hung Out


Yesterday, for at least the first half of the day, Murphy and his law seemed to have taken us under his wing.

We went to the Farmer's Market and that part was fine. We bought as much loot as we could carry including me buying a giant bag of peaches so I could make a peach pie.

Eden read about my latest pie crust disaster and offered to send me a fool-proof recipe.

[Aside: Long story short, I have a LiveJournal now. Too. Generally I just cross-post to both but my FTP was down so I just posted on LJ. I know it's confusing. Don't worry about keeping up.]

She has only known me since Jun 21 08 and doesn't know that I have been having pie crust disasters for years. I should go back through those posts and make "pie crust disaster" one of my labels.

Here's a great reason why it's awesome to have science geeks for friends. From Eden:

But it's neat: you mix butter and shortening so you get the flavor of butter but the consistency of using shortening (which has a higher melting point, thus it doesn't release a bunch of water into the dough, making it tough and gluten-y) and you use vodka and water for the same reason (water + flour = tough pie crust). The alcohol is wet but not water, so it makes it light and flaky and the alcohol taste boils off in the oven! woo!

My result was nothing that would win a state fair, but a nice turn out from someone of my limited skills. (Photo in a minute.)



We didn't have vodka so I put it on my list for Saturday morning. As I drove to the farmer's market I remembered I used the last of the tapioca on the strawberry-rhubarb so I would have to stop at Safeway for that.

I'm skipping some of the Murphy things which weakens my thesis statement but whatever. We left the market to go the government operated liquor store (Because it's still 1906 in Washington. Seriously, if I had time and money to kill I would make it my mission in life to get hard alcohol sold in regular stores like in California. This special store thing is stupid.), it wasn't open until 11am. We arrived at 10:40am.

Since we had to go to Safeway too, we decided to drive up to Hazel Dell and by the time we purchased our tapioca the liquor store up there would be open. So now we're at Safeway at almost 11am on a Saturday of a holiday weekend. I make a special point of not going to the grocery store (or leaving the house, even) on Saturday and this trip reminded me why. Too many carts. Blah blah. Plus, we couldn't find the tapioca and wandered up and down the aisles. It's near the pudding mixes. Long lines. Blah blah.

Then to the liquor store which was open. And while we were there we stocked up and brought home $75 worth of booze. I was already feeling better.

I really wanted to get some writing done and I'd already been distracted a couple of times but I thought I could whip out the pie real quick and then have the afternoon. All season I've had peaches where the peels fell off when you look at them. These did not.



So now I had to boil water and do that whole routine and it's not like it was hard, it was just a whole additional step and a whole bunch more dishes and whine whine. All I wanted was to whip out one stupid pie.

I forgot to explain what that gadget is at the top. I just started subscribing to several podcasts: EscapePod, PodCastle and The New Yorker. I put the stories on my iPod and then listen to them on the bus or on this handy portable speaker thing that Bob gave me a couple of years ago. I feel bad that I don't use it more. I listen to stories while I cook. The only drawback is that I can't hear if the sink is running or if Bob arrives to tell me something. There's probably some remote control gadget out there that would come in handy. I don't understand why it's so hard to pause on an iPod.

I dipped my peaches in boiling water, dunked them in an ice bath and peeled and sliced into a bowl. Halfway through I remembered that I gave two pies as gifts last week and I don't have a pie plate at home.

Bob had just left for the store because we forgot something else. (argh!) But I really hate stuff taking up space in my house that I don't use and 3 pie pans is a bit much.

So I used a pyrex brownie pan:



Pretty cool, huh? After all the setbacks and the grumpy, this was a fabulous deep dish peachy delicious wonder. I probably underbaked it by half-a-tad but still magically delicious. The recipe calls for lemon juice and lemon zest so it has a nice lemony taste. Yum. Totally worth it.

I forgot the mention the part about finding a dead cat in our yard. Part of me felt bad like this poor little beat up cat had to die alone in our yard. The other part of me felt like: ew! dead cat. Bob was a prince and dealt with it.

Moving on. Bob and I went to see Vicky Cristina Barcelona and if that's not ringing a bell, it's the movie where Penelope Cruz and Scarlett Johansson snog for about 11 seconds. I wouldn't call us huge Woody Allen fans but we're admirers and we both liked this film and talked about it a lot afterward. It also made me want to go to Barcelona. Stat.

Today I wrote for half the day (woohoo!) and tried unsuccessfully to do some yardwork. Everytime I go outside it starts pouring. It's amazing to have so much power.

Bob is cleaning up some stuff in the basement and told me he found a package of photos. They're from my cousin's wedding and about ten years old. Look how little and cute the girls are. They're still cute but I think all three of them are taller than I am now.

Off to the Farmer's market.

Last weekend we went to the ceremonial dedication of the land bridge in Vancouver. The photo stream is here.



Everyone headed up to the land bridge. Check out giant dancing puppets.

Yesterday we went to dinner with some friends. We planned to try this barbecue place they love but it was closed for vacation so as an alternative we went to this place called Pok Pok which was fabulous.



On the land bridge looking toward the fort. Bob in red cap.

I woke up at about 3am and couldn't get back to sleep. I finally got up to go to the bathroom and when I got back in bed, Bob said: Is everything okay?

I said: I can't sleep.

He said: Pok pok?

And I said: No, I just can't fall asleep.

He said: What's wrong with you?



Art on land bridge. We didn't get the handout and I didn't do any further research. I think this is by Lillian Pitt.


Of course this morning he didn't remember that conversation at all and thought it was really funny.

I promised myself I wasn't going to spend my entire weekend glued to the computer. HA! We'll see how that goes.

Yay, it seems like everything is finally working again. I shouldn't get too excited or I might jinx it. Here we are 12 years ago getting hitched:



I'll catch up on some other stuff later.

FTP DooDoo: Continued
I still can't FTP from my home computer. The support person I spoke to yesterday thought I should try a different FTP client which I thought was a rather weak method of trying to help me. I don't have the time or patience to deal with technical problem-solving right now.

Yesterday was my 12 yr wedding anniversary and I have a photo of us on our wedding day when we were young and foolish and I will post up here as soon as I get this thing sorted out.

Busy day today.

Fukola Dola
I haven't been able to FTP into this account starting last Friday.

Right now I'm overwhelmed by things that don't work. Last night it was the iPod which I managed to figure out relatively quickly.

All weekend I wasn't in the mood to phone my hosting support to get the problem solved.

Just now, I FINALLY phoned and sit on hold and blah blah blah. And then he couldn't find anything wrong and now it works.

Argh. Grumpy-making.

Stormy skies above Vancouver.



Dahlia garden still looks good. The rain did a number on some of my plants. If I was a more active gardener I'd probably get out there and stake them.

But I'm not.

Busy Week
Tons going on so if I post at all, it will be half-assed posts like this.

Today's photo is from the deep archives. This is Uncle Barry, Auntie Janet and me at what I believe is the famous camping trip to the Olympic Rain Forest. (Just in case you don't click through, I'll tell you that average rain fall is 220 inches a year.) I think the photo was taken by Aunt Aileen.

We drove out to the beautiful Olympic National Forest and set up camp and then enjoyed a lovely hike where we took this photo. We returned to camp and it began to rain. We were prepared for this and sat under our dripping tarp making our dinner and exclaiming how fun it was to be out camping in the rain.

After dinner we huddled on a picnic bench under our shelter and placed bets on how long before the sagging tarp fell and how much water had accumulated at the bottom of our tents.

After dessert we pulled up camp, threw everything in the car and drove home and slept in warm, dry beds. In the morning, Auntie made pancakes and we reminisced about our wonderful camping trip.

Writing Not At Clarion West
I'm a little surprised by how much trouble I'm having writing at home. At home was clearly too distracting so today I tried writing in a student lounge at Clark College which was perfect. Nice open space with comfy couch. I intended to bring my camera but forgot so you get a photo of the cookies I made last weekend. Very few people. No Internet connection.

And still I had a hard time focusing. I made decent progress and did another 800 words tonight after dinner. I might get a draft finished by tomorrow. argh. It feels really half-assed right now.

I guess I felt like things were so busy at Clarion that it would be easier at home. But I took for granted that at CW 99% of my brain was devoted to all things story. And now that I'm home I have to devote at least half my brain to my other responsibilities. And even then I feel like my brain is ruined.

Before CW when I got those phone calls to remind me about appointments I always said, "I know, I'll be there." Since I got home I keep saying, "Shit, what time?" I usually feel like I have my act together and now I can barely remember where I parked my car.

Maybe this is all part of the process. But I'm pushing to write this new story and I'm not enjoying as much as I thought I would. I think I'm going to take one day next weekend for a no computer day and a no writing day. I just downloaded a bunch of stories to my iPod (EscapePod and PodCastle) and I can take some walks and putter in the yard. And make some pies. I haven't had one single homemade pie yet this summer. Tragedy.

Sports
I'm not an Olympics person.

When I was younger I enjoyed watching but now it feels like it's not about sports. It's just about the U.S. winning. And the commentators make me want to stick forks in my ears.

I've watched about 3 minutes of the current games and every time I turned on the TV it was synchronized diving. Why is this even a sport? Why not synchronized bowling?

I'm going to invent the sport of competitive vacuuming and start a training camp at my house.

Two Items

1. C-Tran has new buses.

I finally rode on one for the first time this week and I can't say that I love them. They're like the anti-tardis meaning smaller on the inside than the outside. It seems like there are less seats. And the seats are nicer but there's no place to put my stuff so I have my big giant bags stuff on my lap.

2. My sleep habits returned to normal almost immediately after the workshop. In Seattle my bedtime was 1am or later and I had a hard time falling asleep and staying asleep. I was afraid when I got home it would be like jetlag or that I was broken and would never be able to sleep properly again. Nope. I go to bed at 9pm. It's fantastic.

Exciting Monday
On the way to work I got to watch a lady total her shiny Mercedes right in front of me. We were on the freeway right at the I5 – 405 split. She zoomed by me and drifted into my lane. She was probably looking at the directions on her PDA. She kept drifting … drifting … wham! Right into the back end of one of those trailer rigs that carries a bunch of cars. This one was empty. Blew a tire. Thankfully she kept control and made it to the shoulder. When I passed her she looked very unhappy.

Then a guy was puking in the weeds next to the parking lot.

I wonder what else is in store for today.

Fabulous New Development in the World of Chips

Dealth Valley Chipotle: Have you heard of these chips? Bob had a bag sitting in the chip area when I got home and I opened them right away. Highly recommended.

Bob took a photo of a squirrel on our roof. At this time of year there are these weird nut trees around the neighborhood and the squirrels get into a frenzy chasing each other out of the trees and running back and forth dragging the nuts all over the yard. They're so excited about it they forget that they're afraid of humans and will run right by me when I'm watering or working in the yard: which creeps me out. Aren't they just giant rodents with big fluffy tails?

Now I'm convinced there are squirrels living in the house and it's only a matter of time before one runs out while I'm working on my story or watching TV and will run over and bite me. Then I'll turn into a frothy mouthed zombie and the rest of the summer will be ruined.



Yesterday I went to the Farmer's Market for the first time since I've been home and I wanted to buy everything.

I settled for one giant bag of things. Today I'm making my favorite lentil and chard soup and I just noticed that I only have orange lentils which should make it interesting. It's between that and split peas.

We desperately need a Bobs Red Mill run.

I'm also making beets and some sort of salad I can take to the office for my lunch.



The only thing I managed to make yesterday was bread so I still need to make cookies and granola. I thoroughly enjoyed not cooking for 6 weeks but I'm glad to be at it again.

Okay, time to get to work on this story. I had it open on my computer yesterday and every time I walked by I would stick my tongue out at it. Today I need to get some work done.

Re-Grouping
This is my first full weekend back and I'm still trying to get my act together.

There are so many things to do that I keep circling around the house thinking of all the stuff to take care of but not feeling like doing any of it.

I thought I'd get to a point where I'd have some Clarion West definitive wrap up things to say but I'm not there yet. I'm still floating around the edge of the bubble.

The photo above is my new shower. My old bathtub was totally chipped and ugly and horrible and the new one is so pretty I could sit in it for days. I'm going to pull out some bubble bath and spend some quality time in there this weekend. Maybe reading from the ginormous pile of magazines that is threatening to take over the house.

I'm afraid to count how many books I accumulated while I was in Seattle. It's more than 10 but I think less than 20. Plus I bought that DREADFUL vampire book at the midnight book party with some of my classmates It's not dreadful fun, it's dreadful bad. It's making me mad to even have it in my house but I have to read it to find out what happens. I need to get through that and trying to work my way through the magazines. The bus rides will save me.



This is a hole in the wall shared with the bathroom. I'm guessing some sort of installation gone wrong moment. No one noticed except me. We're doing an end of the job inspection today and I'll point that out.

Last night I left my bottle of wine uncorked on the counter and I can see those two annoying fruit flies that were in the house floating in it. Victory?

Today I'm getting back into my routine and I got my haircut and went to Safeway and now the laundry is going.

Before I left I cleaned out my favorite homemade granola and my chocolate chip cookie stash so I'm making those this afternoon. I also cleaned out all my office snacks so all week I had to chew my hand all afternoon. I just bought Wheat Thins (big) and chips and an Odwalla bar and next week I'm hoping I can do See's run with Shay to re-stock my chocolate supply.



Dahlias from the garden.

Yesterday I ate a pastrami sandwich that should have its own national holiday. I only finished half at lunch so I ate the rest for dinner and then I woke up at 3:30a and had to drink a huge glass of water.

Time to get rolling on my chores.

Re-Entry: The Saga Continues

I'm getting back in the swing right now.

These are the pumpkin patch out front which is on fire! Yay. The pumpkin patches in the back are looking a little peaked.

Tonight I went back to yoga for the first time and OMIGOD.

That woman tried to kill me. I don't think it's a coincidence that her last name is Payne.

I can't believe my fitness level could regress so badly so quickly.

This wasn't even the hard class.

Right now my arms and legs feel like spaghetti.



She had us do this yogi pain pose that we had to hold forever. I had tears in my eyes and was thinking about folding up my mat and leaving.

Normally, you're supposed to know your limits but when I put my arms down she totally name checked me.

Then she went into this thing about how this is like our lives and we don't quit when it gets hard. We keep fighting. Frack.

Clarion West: Week 7

The house where we lived at the workshop was on fraternity row near University of Washington which means it was noisy. There was a frat house behind us that played all sorts of strange musical choices at pretty much whatever time of day suited them.

One night we were all leaving the house to go to a party and one of the frat boys was on the deck and he leaned over and started asking questions like, "So you guys are writers?"

I guess someone said something about a party and Raj said "I've been wanting to go over there ever since I saw that broken window."



So, you know where you don't want your car to die?

Science fiction camp.

We jumped in my car to go pick up the t-shirts and it was dead. I know zero about cars except where to put the gas in and how to take it in for regular service. In my defense, I know about lots of other things.

The gang was gathered out back and I said, "Does anyone know about cars?"

And the answer back was: "No." Then someone offered keys so we could use his car. My response: I want my car to work.

Chuckles was the one (and Owen) who came out and checked that it was indeed dead. I like how people ask you: Did you leave the lights on?

Why yes, does that matter?

Actually, my lights turn off by themselves.

In the end, I dealt with it myself. After some calls, a jump and some diagnostic running around, the car was given a clean bill of health and hasn't had any more problems. I suspect a door was left ajar or the dome-light on.



This one is for Shane.

After a couple weeks in Seattle I lost all track of the known universe. I didn't know the news. I never knew the date. Even if I got the day — I still got confused on the month and even the year. I almost wrote 1998 or September in my notebook a couple of times.

Also my personal hygiene went completely out the window. I could never remember when I bathed last and didn't really care. I wore the same clothes for days in a row. I wore make-up only 2 times in 6 weeks.

Also, everything in Seattle seems to cost an amount to maximize the accumulation of tons of change. $1.05; $8.26; $11.33. I either didn't have enough change or a pocket filled with it.

When I got home, Bob and I went to the Clark County Fair to have milkshakes (and baked potatoes, and grilled corn) and see baby pigs, goats, sheep and cows. Also grown-up versions of these things.

We also went through a tent that was like walking into a used car lot. People wanted us to sign up for vinyl siding, some sort of magnetic strip that cured pain (?), loan consolidation and tapes that taught you how to be successful. We visited the Clark College booth and then signed up for a chimney sweep.

We also tried to win giant stuffed animals. Just kidding. What am I going to do with an 8 foot dragon?






But I really wanted to see Queensryche.

Bob's review is here.

I'm out of steam so I will just say that they were awesome and that this is the first time I've seen them live. My favorite album is Rage for Order which I only own on cassette and I'm such a luddite I can still listen to it in my car. I need to get the .mp3 version.

Pritpaul and Shane share a moment

Clarion Week 6:
Chuck Palahniuk

This is the first of what will probably several wrap up posts on Clarion West 2008. I've still got a lot to digest and I don't know where to start so these are notes, probably disjointed, that I've kept since my last post.

Every Friday night we had a party which was partly farewell to the departing instructor and partly party-on for the local Clarion West/Sci-fi community and partly for us to network and get to know people in the field.

The week 5 party was in Bellevue. We followed Caren over there so we wouldn't get lost. (She's local and also one of the best people to follow when driving because she doesn't drive too fast and she uses her turn indicator so you can figure out what's going on.)



Caren in the CW 08 Viking hat and Owen

We left the party at 10:30p on our own and used Kira's GPS to get home. He's named Oliver and he has an Australian accent. He doesn't know Washington so when we had to get on Washington 520 he told us to get on Western Australia 520. He was awesome.

When I first arrived in Seattle I was wigged about driving because I'm a nervous driver to begin with and I hate driving in a place I don't know and then we added a carload of people who need a ride into the mix. The first weekend I was like a 99 year old neurotic cat lady who lost her medication trying to get where we had to be and park and be on time and keep everyone alive and in one piece. Several of the same people were in my car for the last party, 6 weeks later, and they noticed that I was way more relaxed. However, during the whole 6 weeks there was only one outing where I didn't have to make a U-turn.



An in the CW 08 Viking hat with Christopher looking on.

It was an interesting emotional arc I went through over those 6 weeks. I had a really hard time the first week. It was tough to get settled in. I could not sleep as everyone who has been keeping up with these posts knows. I never did get the sleep thing going. I started to envy my computer for the ease with which it went to sleep. I took a 2.5 hour nap the day I got home and slept 10.5 hours that night. I did only 8 hours last night and I'm feeling droopy now and may go lay down as soon as I finish this post.

After the first week I settled in and then I felt panicked about leaving because I couldn't imagine that I'd ever want to leave my new friends and have to go back and work and cook my own food and do chores and not think about writing all the time.

Then by the end of week 5 I was done. I wanted my own bed, my own bathroom and my normal toilet paper. Sysco has the sorriest excuse for paper products in the known Universe. The paper towels also = doodoo. I wanted to take a shower in stall big enough to turn around in. I'm not a big person I could barely shampoo my hair without poking myself in the eye with my elbow. I wanted to be in charge of my own food supply. Boy it's amazing how quickly good eating habits can go to pot. By the end, potato chips and peanut butter pretzels with red wine as a dinner alternative seemed perfectly acceptable.



I told Kira to try to look cute and she did.

When I prepared for the workshop I brought a bunch of ideas and I brought two stories that already had first drafts just in case I got in a panic, I would have something to fall back on. I got in a panic in week #6. One of the things we were encouraged to do is take risks and try things we'd never tried before. My first 4 stories had the same tone, setting, narrative style, etc. I was perfectly happy with my style but I thought I should at least try something different. Plus I did this structural trick which is too hard to explain here but which basically served to tie one hand behind my back.

I didn't think I was going to be able to pull it off in time so I thought back to the two stories I'd brought with me. And I didn't think either of those was good enough. My point being that after 5 weeks of the workshop I already thought I'd improved beyond stories that were barely a few months old. I have a stack of stuff for revisions. I have hope for them all.

In fact, this was a major lesson of the workshop that every story I panicked in the middle and thought was an unfixable disaster and all of them I managed to pull something out to put in front of the class.



Waiting at Chuck's reading. L to R Front row: Maggie, Kristin, Owen, Caren, Eden, Raj and Tracy. Back Row starting with blue shirt: Jim, Carol, Kira and Douglas (They're working on stories for Wednesday.)

Chuck Palahnuik was our week 6 teacher and by the time he arrived, I'd lost my ability to be intimidated. A huge contrast to the first week when everything intimidated me.

"I love rules," he said. Here are some Chuck rules as best as I can decipher from my notebook:

Don't use "to be" or "to have" — depict with a physical action.

No abstract words (e.g. big, nice, tall, great).

No intangibles (e.g. love, remember, desire, think, consider). Make everything tangible.

No screaming the world through your characters. (e.g. "She heard a bell ring." Instead: "The bell rang.")

Submerge your "I's" This is when you're writing in the first person you want to use as few "I's" as you can. Try to convert to Mine or My. This was the only week I did a first person story because I don't like to write in the first person and it took me HOURS to submerge my I's. But I got a shout out for doing a good job on that.

This is harder to explain but Chuck wants you to know your character's area of expertise — a consistent way the character notices things, gestures, reacts to things. Watch what is dramatized through gesture.

Never forward your plot through dialogue. This is the least effective way. The best way is through action/discovery.

Wed the ordinary everyday stuff to the situation in the story. Also using the ordinary to give the drama/horror/whatever more punch. I realize out of context some of this is worthless but I don't know how to explain better.

Use props and items over and over rather than introducing new items. If the characters shows up on the first page with a set of steak knives, then bring the steak knives back. You don't have to waste energy explaining new objects. Said another way: "Let objects do a job and not disappear." Be aware of every object you put in.

Be open to trashing your work at any point in the process. Be willing to take a great idea and trash it and know that better ideas will come.

This isn't all. He had tons of great stuff and he reinforced it all week during class.


(L to R) Standing in back: Carol, Carlton and Pritpaul. Next row: Kristin, Owen, Christopher, Maggie, Douglas, Raj, Kira, Shane and An; Front Row: Chuckles, Caren, Eden, Tracy, Jim, Me and Theresa.

Quotes from Chuck:

"I wish I could teach you to be a beautiful writer but I can't. I can teach you how to trick people."

"Look, they catch the sperm back in their penises. It's like Cirque du Soleil."

Chuck's biggest advice: "Don't stop writing. Be stubborn and determined."

Quotes Not From Chuck:

"So you can take that with a huge mountain planet of salt."

"I don't know the crustacean anatomy that well."

"I don't necessarily agree but I don't necessarily disagree."

"It's not necessarily necessary."

"I think your audience for this is people who like creepy baby stories."

"I was waiting for the speculum to be busted out. I don't necessarily know what that is."

"Can you build in redundant systems in case of reader failure?"

"I'm unsure what Dr. Vito was doing. Why would he facilitate the unbirthing unless it was the world's longest plan to get laid?"

"Once a again you have written a powerful story that feels like a kick in the balls. I like this one better, possibly because it was a bit more pleasant kick in the balls."

Graduation

Today I went to the bank after our last class.

The bank teller said, "Did you go to a party? You have glitter in your hair."

"No," I said. "I just graduated from science fiction camp."